Loving Life

First long run

2012-01-09T23:30:00.056-05:00

Well here we are, with just under 10 weeks for me to train for this half marathon. I'm nervous and am definitely wishing I would have given myself a full 12 weeks, at minimum. It is what it is though. So Saturday afternoon, with 70 degree weather on a January afternoon, I set off for my first long run - probably the most I have ever run at one time, to be honest. I'm not going to lie...I'm hurting pretty bad!

I wanted to document all of my training here and hold myself to the truth (no exaggerating to make myself sound better) and be able to document my success and look at how I can improve. I think it helps motivate me, too.

Distance: 6.77 miles
During the run: I felt really great during the run, overall. It was a bit rough during mile 2 and 3, but once I got in the groove of things, I was good to go. I did have to walk here and there.
After the run: I felt tired immediately following the run (didn't sleep much though the night before) and ended up feeling a bit gross later that afternoon, but overall felt good.
Next day: I went for a short run (1.8 miles in total, which I ran about 1.45 of) with my friend Shon...I was very tight and sore and it was a bit chilly outside.
Areas of soreness: Mostly my calves and the ligaments/tendons around my ankles and feet
2 days after the run (today): I haven't been able to do too much. I am really sore! Realizing that it may not have been the best idea to jump into an almost 7 miler after taking 3 weeks off from running during the holidays...but it was a beautiful day and I really wanted to get a long run in and it just happened that way. Tomorrow I've got to get on the treadmill though for a 3-4 miler.
Next long run: 7.5 miles Saturday (I am feeling ambitious?)

2011-12-31T01:29:00.001-05:00

Yup, this just happened...I think I may have lost my mind! I just registered for my first half marathon. I have wanted to do one and thought that now is the time. We'll see if I can pull myself together and be in shape and ready to run the 13.1 miles. It is a bit sooner than I'd like, but waiting until May meant I may not be ready due to my next work trip to Africa in April...so better sooner than later, I guess!

Dear Sherrie,

Congratulations! You are now registered for the 2012 SunTrust Rock 'n' Roll USA Marathon & CareFirst Rock 'n' Roll USA Half Marathon - Half Marathon. Please check theevent's website for updates.

Please note: Each participant must pick up their own race number at the Health & Fitness Expo. Go to the Expo page of the race websitefor times and location of the Expo.

Good luck with your training!

Registration ID:	R-012QQGZY
Participant:	Sherrie Staley
Date:	3/17/2012
Location:	RFK Stadium 2400 East Capitol Street Washington, District of Columbia 20003
Category:	2012 SunTrust Rock 'n' Roll USA Marathon & CareFirst Rock 'n' Roll USA Half Marathon - Half Marathon

2011-09-22T11:26:00.001-04:00

Unclench your fists, unlock your knees and also the door to your heart, take a deep breath, and begin to swim. Begin to let the waves do their work in you.

-shauna niequist

Hurriquake Week

2011-09-17T02:41:00.001-04:00

When disaster strikes….

I survived my long week of natural disasters – but I am not entirely sure they are over just yet. The earthquake and hurricane clearly weren't enough...now flooding, as more tropical rains continue to hit the DC area. What a crazy week or two, to say the least. That being said, I must say, come on Mother Nature…bring it! While I am very grateful both the earthquake and the hurricane that hit this past week were minimal, it would have been “fun” (I know, I must have a sick mind, but I did work in disasters, so can you blame me?!?) had they been a little less half-assed and hit just a bit stronger! In my opinion, both were quite weak, but at least added a little excitement to the week.

I loved the communication between coasts though, after the earthquake - "Hey east coasters: welcome to our world and what we live with everyday in California. Stay Safe." And the response from East Coasters, "Hey, Californians: Shut up and let us wallow in our abject terror." (Please see part of an article I came across about this at the end of this post...was too funny not to include.)

I have been through a few earthquakes in Utah, but I think that this 5.8 quake that hit Virginia is probably my biggest, to date. It made us all pause and second guess if we were just going crazy or if the ground was actually shaking – sure enough, after it began to sustain itself for more than a few seconds, I wondered if it was going to get worse and if I should crawl under my desk. It was just enough to do some damage around the area, knock a number of things out of place at home (surprisingly, my old rowhome was still standing!), crack our office wall a bit, and offset the rest the work day! Many were sent home and those of us that stayed at work definitely didn’t accomplish much after that. It didn’t make the commute home very pretty either – the roads gridlocked and the metro trains going no faster than 15 mph. I had one friend that it took 3 hours for her to get home – downtown DC to Arlington, walking would have been quicker! My commute wasn’t too bad, took double what it normally does, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was longer than that.

Four days after the earthquake, the East Coast embraced itself for Hurricane Irene that was looking to hit DC at a category 3 and NYC at a category 2. Fortunately for many, Irene lost strength after ramming into North Carolina, but still swept through the area as a hurricane and being downgraded to a tropical storm about the time it hit NYC. I have definitely been through East Winds much stronger than this hurricane, but it was still enough to topple over many older trees around Capitol Hill – we lost about 4 or 5 really big trees on my street, totaling quite a few cars, but otherwise the area was pretty unaffected…we didn’t even lose power! I have to admit that I was disappointed. That Irene had ruined my weekend in NYC with the girls and prevented me from flying out to Utah to still celebrate Cass’ 30^th with her, the least she could have done was provided a little more excitement for me! Ha! Kidding! Kind of.

I watched this one fall, across the street from my house

Went to check out the damage by the tree outside my house and saw this...wait, something doesn't quite look right here! Where did the street go?! Looks like a jungle down there!

A block down the road

And a clip of the article I mentioned above, about the earthquake...

Californians can't get enough of snickering at how quaintly hysterical we East Coasters became after our earthquake today. A report from a waiting room in Santa Barbara, via Twitter: "CNN is on going on and on about the east coast earthquake. People here are laughing." In a misguided attempt to be sympathetic, LA Weekly wrote, "Even by L.A. terms 5.9 is a rocker." Even by L.A. terms—because, you know, Southern California invented earthquakes.

Listen, we know the average Californian was born amid a thundering 7.5 magnitude quake and popped out directly into a mudslide. We've all read tales of how the bright pioneers of San Francisco bathe their young in tsunamis and kill mountain lions for sport (and yet would shrivel and die if the temperature fell below 65.)

But can we wimpy East Coasters just have our moment of absolutely shitting ourselves in fear as our non-earthquake-proofed buildings wobble and creak around us? Can we crawl around on our carpets to survey the paltry damage—look, a book fell off a shelf! That could have given someone a serious goose-egg!—without some Californian standing smugly in the doorframe like they learned in grade school, chewing on a PowerBar from the earthquake preparedness kit they carry around in a Lakers fanny pack at all times?

We deserve our fear, California. Because of 9/11! This earthquake could have been another 9/11, for all we knew. Yeah, didn't think you had anything to say to that.

2011-09-08T00:39:00.001-04:00

I am so sick of the heavy rain here lately...does this count as finding beauty in the ugliest of days? It sure gave me a good hard laugh! I wish I had an umbrella like this! haha

2011-09-01T09:55:00.000-04:00

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, life is on a stroll.”

-donald miller

2011-08-31T10:06:00.001-04:00

It's a new day and this is how I'm feeling! Love this song, love Franti and loving the positive vibes that a new day is bringing!

I wake up in the mornin' at 6 'o clock
You say there may be rain but the sun is hot
I wish I had some time just to kill today
And I wish I had a dime for every bill I got to pay
Some days you lose, you win, and the water's as high as the times roll in
So I jump back into where I learned to swim
Try to keep my head above it the best I can
That's why

Here I am
Just waitin' for the storm to pass me by
And that's the sound of sunshine
Comin' down
And that's the sound of sunshine
Comin' down (down, down, down)
Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh

One, two, three, uh huh
I saw my friend Bobby he said "What's up man?"
You got little work or 20 to lend
I opened up my hand he said "I'm glad to see"
They could take away my job but not my friends you see

And here I am
Just waitin' for the storm to pass me by (pass me by)
And that's the sound of sunshine
Comin' down
And that's the sound of sunshine
Comin' down

Yo, yo, here we go

I wanna go where the summer never ends
With my guitar on the beach there with all my friends
The sun so hot and the waves in motion
And everything smells like suntan lotion
The ocean, and the girls so sweet
So kick off your shoes and relax your feet
You say that miracles are never ceasin'
And every single song needs a little releasin'
The stereo bumpin' til the sun goes down
And I only wanna hear that sound

That's the sound of sunshine (of sunshine)
Comin' down
And that's the sound of sunshine
Comin' down (comin' down, down, down)

And I say
You're the one I wanna be with (yo, yo)
When the sun goes down (uh huh)
You're the one I wanna be with (I really wanna be with)
When the sun goes down, sing
You're the one I wanna be with
When the sun goes down
You're the one I wanna be with
When the sun goes...

That's the sound (that's the sound) of sunshine (of sunshine)
Comin' down (uh huh, uh huh)
And that's the sound of sunshine
Comin' down
Eh, eh, eh
When the sun goes down, when the sun goes down
Eh, eh, eh, eh (when the sun goes down)

Grace is Gone

2011-08-29T21:33:00.000-04:00

This is my all time favorite Dave Matthews Band song. Thought I'd share. I honestly can't get enough of it!

Neon shines through smoky eyes tonight
It’s 2 am - I’m drunk again it’s heavy on my mind

I could never love again so much as I love you
Where you end where I begin is like a river going through
Take my eyes, take my heart cuz I need them no more
If never again they fall upon the one I so adore

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll move on

One drink to remember, then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember, and another to forget

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll move on
One more drink and I’ll be gone

You think of things impossible then the sun refused to shine
I woke with you beside me your cold hand lay in mine

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I’ll go

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don’t need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I’ll be gone
One more drink my Grace is gone
One more drink my Grace is gonetake

2011-08-25T12:15:00.001-04:00

Yes, yes...this is most definitely how I feel today! Must be that hurricane weather comin' on!

January Summer Lovin'

2011-08-24T00:57:00.002-04:00

I started writing this post back in January....thought though that I would finish writing it and add some pictures and still post! So here goes...
Seriously...what is wrong with me?! I have a BAD case of the WINTER BLUES...or something like that! :( I have been so down in the dumps for no good reason lately. I really needed something to snap me out of my winter blues and MAUI was just the thing!
I left bright and early on the morning of Thursday, Jan 13. I thought my flight to LAX was going to be the hard one to get on...guess I should have thought twice about that. I invited a friend of mine about 5 days before leaving and so the plan was to meet in LA. Her flight came from San Francisco, through LA and to Maui. Perfect! I could easily get on the flight to Maui from LA...or so I thought. Little did I know that they could weight-restrict the flight, even though there were 60 open seats! So I waved Aurora off and told her to have fun with my cousin until I got there to join them. After she departed, I crossed my fingers as I checked flights to see what I could do about getting there sometime that day. After 12 hours of sitting in the LA airport and holding my breath, hoping to be the last person to secure a seat on a later flight to Maui, I was on my way...in first class. I made it there late that night and as I was waiting for my cousin, EmmaLee, to pick me up at the airport, I sat outside, wind brushing across my face and allowed for my winter blues to begin melting away.
We spent the next 4.5 days in pure bliss! Maui was just what I needed. We went to different beaches to soak up the sun and play in the water, went whale-watching, met up with a doctor-friend of mine and his wife at the blow hole, drove to Hana (which by the way, was the most beautiful drive ever!), we swam in the Seven Sacred Pools, ate lots of fish and had a lot of drinks that had the little umbrella in them...and I have had Ziggy Marley stuck in my head since the trip with all the reggae we listened to while driving around places! It was all perfect. Em had recently gone through some trauma with one of her dogs passing away, so it was perfect timing for us to visit; we were all sad that Aurora and I had to go back home. Hoping to go back again soon! Thanks again Em :)

Please enjoy my new favorite song, while you view the fun I had in MAUI (and a whale video)!

Does it get much better?!

Golden hour...my favorite time of the day!

First day at the beach...literally there ALL day

Hiking around Hana

Hana - gorgeous drive, beautiful falls!

Blow hole!

Whale watching - AMAZING!

World Humanitarian Day

2011-08-19T11:52:00.001-04:00

Today we celebrate people helping people. Here's to numerous friends and colleagues that have the gift to help people and have accomplished (and continue to accomplish) amazing work throughout the world! May we all have big enough hearts to find a way to change the world each day!

"When a child is withering away it really does not matter whether the cause is drought, ignorance, or social injustice. It is a precious child that is dying. If we determine that any person is of less value because of where they were born, we have lost our humanity."

-Dave Eller, president of World Concern

Saltiness

2011-08-14T01:07:00.001-04:00

To those that always ask me, "Can't you go to the Great Salt Lake to go swimming and hang out at the beaches there?" I always answer, "GROSS!!! Why would you ever?!" For those of you who have spent time anywhere near the Great Salt Lake understand my point - the stank, the brine shrimp flies, the seagulls...it's not relaxing day at the beach!

Antelope Island

You can see the flies around, in a cloud of black, around the seagull.

Unfortunately, Lonely Planet did not get the same memo. I was just reading an article about the world's saltiest sites for seasoned travelers. This is what I found:

6. Great Salt Lake, Utah, USA

Size does matter. The Great Salt Lake, located in northern Utah, lays claim to being the largest salt lake in the western hemisphere, no mean feat. The lake used to be part of prehistoric Lake Bonneville, and is also known as America’s Dead Sea. It’s home to millions of creatures able to survive the high saline levels, such as waterfowl and other birds, including the largest staging population of Wilson’s phalarope in the world – a boon for birdwatchers.

If you’re looking to get lost for a while, why not take a salty cruise to one of the lake’s 11 recognised tidal islands. Antelope Island has superb beaches that off er great swimming opportunities. Take Interstate 15, heading north from Salt Lake City.

I like to listen to Lonely Planet, when Lonely Planet speaks. However, you will NOT find me hanging out at the "superb" beaches of Antelope Island any day too soon! You may find me riding a bike there, but that is a different story!

Now if I were going to go to one of the saltiest sites in the world, I would definitely be hitting up Bolivia's Salar de Uyuni - the world's largest salt flats and is known as the world's largest mirror, when covered in water.

Somebody I used to know

2011-08-11T23:21:00.002-04:00

This is genius! I love it - such a catchy tune, but I love the video and especially the lyrics!

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody...

Gotye feat. Kimbra

2011-08-10T00:13:00.001-04:00

Great find! Love her voice!

Ugly Bug Ball

2011-08-02T00:40:00.001-04:00

Welcome to my life? You know, I constantly reflect on what an awesome life I have...until I find cockroaches under my sink! Then I rethink that for a few minutes. What the hell....this is disgusting! I apparently don't know how to live in the warm, humid weather, where all the nasty bugs try to invade your living space! Not cool. Reminds me of this Ugly Bug Ball sing-along song I used to watch as a child.

Addiction

2011-07-25T22:05:00.002-04:00

Sensational. Spine-tingling. The stuff legends really are made of. Amy Winehouse's voice is charged with pain and her jazzy delivery serves to deepen the sense of soul and personality. It is an emotional sucker punch. She's got such an incredible voice! One of my favorites, actually.

Her personal problems were legendary - especially her addictions to alcohol and drugs. My friend, John, posted this to his facebook, "My work as a substance abuse counselor grants me daily insight, awareness, and compassion regarding the constant struggle, deep pain and, at times, seemingly insurmountable battle of addiction. Until we have walked in those shoes, let us not cast condemnation..." I think we are all too quick to judge the addict. What a sad life many of them live. However, I hope to one day see more success in programs and more support to those that suffer addictions. I have had the wonderful opportunity to teach and counsel people that are substance abusers - their pain and suffering is tangible. They are human beings that made an honest mistake that spiraled out of control. I am grateful for my time I have spent with these human beings. Most of them are wonderful people that have hopes and dreams - just like we all do.

The infamy overtook the artistry and this young artist seemed unable to get well enough to live up to the legend she had become. Such a pity to see such a young life fall to addictions. Rest in peace, Amy Winehouse. Thank you for sharing your talents.

2011-07-22T01:20:00.000-04:00

I am giving myself a complex! These damn bugs - I am not sure if they are centipedes or silverfish, but whatever they are, they need to take their party somewhere besides my room! I am secretly hoping that the life of an insect is much like a cartoon movie, where they all communicate to each other and know who and what to watch out for. In that case, I expect the whole community that seems to be nesting in my room, to move out tonight (or if I am lucky, sooner!). I have literally killed 3 adult of these whatevers and 5 babies....just tonight! On top of that, I killed one about 5 days ago. AND there is still at least one more adult running around my room somewhere - he is hiding, but I am determined to kill him, too when he comes back out of hiding! This is NOT okay and now I feel like they are crawling all over me!

Between the bugs and the heat wave that is hitting the East Coast, I feel like I am back in Africa! The heat index, which is what it actually feels like outside and is calculated by combining the actual temperature and humidity, reached 113 today - in some areas of Virginia, 123! Tomorrow it is expected to be even worse...reaching 115 or higher. In fact, this is actually quite unusual - the heat index hasn't hit 110 in over 7 years and it's been more than 15 years since it reached 115. Talk about living in a sauna! I just want to stop sweating!!

Someone else's thought

2011-07-21T14:58:00.002-04:00

I was recently blog stalking (I know, I know) and came across some random person's blog that I don't know, but I LOVED what she had written. I am not taking credit, but don't know who the girl is, so can't really give her much credit (other than I assume she is Lauren, or that person she calls Lauren in this post), but I really like what she's written...makes me want to email her and be friends with her - my thoughts exactly, but since she puts it so beautiful already, I am just going to repost! Thank you, Lauren, or nameless girl I don't know!

dear world:

for the past 9 months i have totally taken you for granted... but on the other hand... i had my own little world i needed to figure out. gasping in this microcosm for breaths of air coming from outside of the saturated bubble of people who actually know what the word REAL means... i seriously thought i was going to be stuck in a place where people thrive off of trends... a constant competition of who has the latest urban wear... the newest accessories they claim to be what's "in"... and their tongue speaks that of what they only want others to hear.... blah. get me outta here! uh yeah i will admit.... and be the first.... who doesn't wanna feel cool? who doesn't wanna be loved? who doesn't wanna be talked about in facebook chats and/or wall posts? but one thing i have learned... i'd rather be known for influencing somebody's life by helping them recognize their inner soul, rather than be known for wearing a retro/vintage blazer at "the loft". i'd rather be known as the girl people wanna take a walk with... rather than the girl people facebook stalk because she "clearly" knows the coolest people... only shops at nordstroms.... and is tagged in every utah county dance party known to man....

some people think that when people go off on rages like this they are just jealous... that they wish they really had what they mock? sure i guess some would? but world.... do you wanna know why i love lauren? because i can be by myself all day and feel like i accomplished so much just by knowing who lauren really is. i can honestly look in the mirror and smile because i like what i see.... and i'm not talking about physical... i'm actually proud of who i'm becoming. i feel like as i continue to dig deep... my whole self is becoming more and more radiant... the more i dig the more i find... the more i find the more i learn.... the more i learn the more i grow... and the more i grow the more i expand into something extravagant. my hope and prayer is that day by day i can reach out to others and help them realize what i am learning to see each and every day.

i enjoy the moments in my day where i get to pick apart my feelings, and evaluate why my mind reacted to what i felt. i get WAY to caught up in my mind and sometimes it takes me a while to realize how powerless i really am over other people's thoughts, stupid decisions, and even when i see those i love most putting on masks to role play who they think society wants them to be... it's hard... something so simple brings me back to home plate...."god... grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change... the courage to change the things i can... and the wisdom to know the difference..." the disease of codependency is sooooo real... i need to make a post solely on my story of a family addiction....

Brilliant!

2011-07-21T10:52:00.000-04:00

Because I love Apple so much, I thought I would promote my most recent purchase. It is pure genius, which is why I love this company so much (besides for their amazing customer service, which I have vouched for before). I recently bought the newest version of the ipod nano. With as much travel as I do, I decided it would be a great purchase - it takes up much less space and is much lighter than my regular ipod. It's not only a great purchase for traveling, but is also great because it clips on and is great to take running with me. In fact, when I first purchased the nano, I took it out for the first time to go running and dropped it in the parking lot of my gym, where the entire front shattered. I took it into the Apple Store, where they replaced it, without question..love them! Okay, so all that being said, I discovered today that it has a radio on it! You have no idea how excited this made me feel! I have been missing being able to drive, purely because that was my time to listen to NPR. I can now listen to NPR on my commute to work though. I love it! Best. Invention. Ever!

Home Sweet Home

2011-07-19T00:03:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's right, home sweet home...at least for the time being! After living on my cousin and his wife's front room for a month, I finally was able to find a sublet. I am living in Capitol Hill, just a short walk to our Nation's Capitol building. I am in love with my neighborhood, lots of cute cafes, Eastern Market, and beautiful, old buildings!

I think this last weekend was one of the first weekends I stayed in DC since moving here. It was kind of refreshing not jumping on an airplane and jet-setting to another state, even though I missed out on one hell of a Moab trip, which I am a bit sad about. I was able to spend some quality time with roommates and friends, deep clean the house, and get moved in to my bedroom (since I have been here now for a couple weeks and been living out of suitcases).

Lots more updates to come soon! I've gotten really bad at getting on here and writing. I have lots of pictures and lots of stories though.

Grandparents

2011-07-18T13:06:00.001-04:00

I started this on 2/16/2011, when my Grandpa was put on hospice. I wanted to add a picture before publishing, but clearly have never gotten around to scanning any....so here it is 5 months later. As I read through this though, I thought of my trip to Utah last weekend and listening to Grandma "Weez" and how depressed she is. She not only is getting up there in age and is unable to do the things that she once was able to do, which I think would be depressing in and of itself, she also is feeling the loneliness of Grandpa (and me) not being around. It's sad to listen to her. I wish there was more that I could do...

2/16/2011
This whole emotional saga has brought up some sharp memories of the 3 year span between my Grandma Staley passing and when my Grandpa Staley finally passed. Grandma seemed to leave so quickly, I hardly remember her being down and out. But oh do I remember the morning she left us - the first of my Grandparents. Mom came and woke me and Steve up while it was still dark outside, (probably around 5am?) to let us know. I think they waited until the other three woke up on their own before telling them. It was heart-wrenching to watch Grandpa those following months and years though. His pain was emotional - he missed her terribly and wanted nothing but to be "put in his hole next to her". Sadly those are actually the last words I remember him saying to me. I unfortunately was in the middle of nowhere, off the coast of Italy - Sardinia, to be exact - when he passed. Unable to make it back for his funeral or the last week he was around, I was very grateful that I had taken advantage of the afternoon before I left for Italy to spend with him. It was hard being away from my family through that. I was grateful that I was surrounded by my Clog America family that was supportive until I reached my (at-the-time) fiance, who held me up and emotionally supported me until I was able to make it home and have some closure, with family. Closure for Grandpa Staley was difficult for me to find. After talking things over a lot with my dad and uncle, I decided it was best for me to stay in Sardinia and not attempt to make it home for the funeral. As much as I hate funerals, they are good at offering some closure, which I never realized until this situation. I searched for that closure for some time after coming home. I think it came collectively - I watched my dad mourn, we talked, I sat in their lonely house as my mom would clean it out and organize their valuables. Eventually that closure came. I am not sure when or how, but it came and I was at peace. There is a moment mixed into that time period though that I don't share with many, because it is so close to my heart that it still brings tears to my eyes. The day I got home from Italy, we went and dedicated Grandpa's grave. They had waited for me to do that part (usually done at the burial service by those of the LDS faith, but was not done, since Grandpa's funeral was conducted by his Presbyterian Pastor...so Dad did this later on). Afterward, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to their house. I said yes, but I wanted to go alone, with just the two of them. For some reason, I didn't want all the other siblings going. We wandered through the house for a bit and then mom and I got looking through a few things in the kitchen and the back green-house/patio area. After awhile I realized that Dad had been MIA for quite some time. I found him upstairs, in his old bedroom, crying. He came down when he was ready and we went to leave. We hadn't made it halfway out of the driveway before a bit of an argument erupted. Dad wanted to know why mom had put the flower box (yes, the one that was on the side of the house, decaying) in the garbage. After mom had explained herself, Dad got even more upset, "you can't just throw that stuff away - my dad made that, with his own two hands!". Dad lost it. He is such a gentle man, with so much emotion. Watching my dad mourn not just the loss of his father at that moment, but of both of his parents, still brings a tear to my eye today. I dread the day...

2011-07-18T01:58:00.000-04:00

I never published this post that I started a few months back (like most of my posts that I started between Jan and June). I want to work on putting them all on my site though and catch things up a bit. So if some of my posts seem a bit out of order or even out of date, that is because they are!

Today was Grandpa's funeral. What an emotional day. I think holding back my emotions for so many weeks caused an even bigger issue for my tear glands today. They couldn't keep it in any longer. My eyes were already so puffy from last night, but then somehow I ended up the one sitting by Grandma during the funeral. Maybe this was a good thing, since she and I have shared a lot over the last year...I know she is comfortable with me and we have a special bond, but it was almost a cruel things to do to one another! Neither one of us could hold it together during the song that the whole family sang, Always (Frank Sinatra). She wasn't supposed to sing it, but she wanted to.

I'll be lovin' you, always

With a love that's true, always

When the things you've planned need a helpin' hand

I will understand always, always

Days may not be fair, always

That's when I'll be there, always

Not for just an hour, not for just a day

Not for just a year, but always

Days may not be fair, always

That's when I'll be there, always

Not for just an hour, not just a day

Not for just one year but always

Always

All the time

Making her grand entrance!

Me and my baby sis

Never a Larsen event without the strings!

WWII Veteran

When the flag was presented to Grandma

Me, Grandma, and my great Aunt Virgie

Larsen kids

Staley family

We color coordinated really well!

He learns from the best of us!

Such a ladies' man!

His funeral was definitely a celebration of his wonderful and exemplary life. It was also a great excuse to be able to have the Larsen family all in one place. I am very close with the cousins my age and it was nice to be able to all be together and share some quality time together.

Brunch (the morning after the funeral) with a few cousins

To end, another Frank Sinatra song, because I think it is fitting to Grandpa...what a great life he lived! His exit was beautiful - quietly with Shirl and Grandma by his side, but with all of his children and many grandchildren close by within hours before he left us and the home filled with lots of reminiscing of childhood memories of him and lovely music. He was very thankful to everyone and graciously expressed that until he could no longer say anything at all. I am so grateful to have been blessed with such a wonderful person in my life and the opportunity I had to live with him and be with him while he was moving on to the next life!

And now the end is near

And so I face the final curtain

My friend I'll say it clear

I'll state my case of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full

I traveled each and every highway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Regrets I've had a few

But then again too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course

Each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Yes there were times I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out, I faced it all

And I stood tall and did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill, my share of losing

And now as tears subside

I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no, not me

I did it my way

For what is a man what has he got

If not himself then he has not

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

And did it my way

Yes it was my way

Love you so much, Grandpa!

Pushing Elephants

2011-06-23T13:27:00.015-04:00

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I LOVE this quote...I mean absolutely love it! The first thing that instantly came to mind while reading it, was a documentary I saw last summer while I was at the Global Health Conference here in DC. It always blows my mind when I see/hear of someone overcome an unbearable past and then become an advocate for others, in a similar situation. I saw this documentary though and not one person walked out with a dry eye! Incredibly powerful!

Premise of the movie:

In the late 1990s, Rose Mapendo lost her family and home to the violence that engulfed the Democratic Republic of Congo. She emerged advocating forgiveness and reconciliation. In a country where ethnic violence has created seemingly irreparable rifts among Tutsis, Hutus and other Congolese, this remarkable woman is a vital voice in her beleaguered nation’s search for peace. Now, Rose is confronted with teaching one her most recalcitrant students how to forgive—Nangabire, the daughter who remained behind.

When war came to Rose’s village, she was separated from her five-year-old daughter, Nangabire. Rose managed to escape with nine of her ten children and was eventually resettled in Phoenix, Arizona. Over a decade later, mother and daughter are reunited in the US where they must face the past and build a new future.

Rose struggles to find balance in her life as a mother of ten and a full-time advocate for refugees. She is the co-founder for Mapendo New Horizons, a humanitarian organization named in Rose’s honor that protects and cares for forgotten refugees. Her speaking engagements have her traveling around the world from the White House to the UNHCR in Geneva to peace talks in Goma, Congo.

Meanwhile Nangabire, now seventeen, must adapt to America and discover how she fits into the sprawling Mapendo family. As mother and daughter get to know one another, they must come to terms with a painful past, and define what it means to be a survivor, a woman, a refugee and an American.

Through this intimate family portrait unfolding against the wider drama of war, we will explore the long-term and often hidden effects of war on women and families, particularly those in traditional societies—financial despair, increased susceptibility to rape, and social ostracism. Pushing The Elephant will capture one of the most important stories of our age, a time when genocidal violence is challenged by the moral fortitude and grace of one woman’s mission for peace.

FGM

2011-06-19T14:08:00.003-04:00

FGM.

There will be no heroes here
No gods, though the stench of sweat
And the drip of blood
Will hint at creation

How long
O flesh
O knife
O muffled screams
How long will you taint the air of our lands
With your echoes?

There will be no transgressions here
Only girls
Trapped forever at the cusp of womanhood
Sliced up and stitched back together
To cut the sins out and keep the virtue in

Where are the heroes
While our daughters are being circumcised
And I will judge, though
Circumstance gave birth to me in the audience and not onstage
Though I have never seen the tip of the knife
The eclipse of a neighbor’s face blocking the sun

But how long
O sky
O land
O grim-faced mothers
How long can you watch without seeing

The battered virgins decorated in tattered skins
Scabs and stitches to keep out the sins
When even a mother’s embrace is not tighter
Than the embroidery on her
Pretty
Pure
Painless daughter
When does this go too far?

There will be no heroes here
With their t-shirts and their picket signs
This will be no fashionable cause
Because these are the wars that lie hidden under skirts

No poverty pornography
Of big-eyed babies posing beneath their coating of flies
These are the scars of a society
That the documentary crews
Do not have the stomach for;
There are no gods here

Though every outsider’s view is judgement day
I’m going to judge today though I
Have no bruises on my thighs
No suspicious mother listening at the bathroom door
Because the volume of her daughter’s urine
Was testament to her innocence:
If she could only manage a quiet trickle
She was still stitched up tightly

And if she wasn’t,
If she wasn’t, o honor
O stones
O broken face
If she wasn’t, her father would find
The power to crush her life to liquid
Encased in a bruised sack of skin

The newscasters
Will call it an honor killing,
Disdain for “those people” crumpling their features
As the cameras pan with a zoologist’s fascination
Speaking as one would of another species
About those barbarians and their bloodlust

Or was it an act of love by father and brother
When stones smashed into tainted skin to
Release the soul from its dirtied casing
Gazing tearlessly at the husk of what was once their baby girl

Before her thighs were taught to mash so tightly together
That bruises bloomed on the insides
Before scarlet letters spilled monthly from a joyless womb
A loveless girl
Soaked crimson in her own sin
Punished preemptively for the hips and breasts
Soon to come
Of which her twelve-year-old frame already hints
For the way she will soon make monsters of men
Revenge will paint itself
As ritual
Carving the joy out of creation
Into a tradition of loveless wombs
Of mothers who find no pleasure
In the creation of their child

And so,
There will be no lovemaking
No making of children born from joyful unions
Only manufacturing
Of loveless generations
No creation
So, no-
There are no gods
Here
-Safia

This poetry was recited (and gave me chills) at an event I attended not long ago on refugee health. This touches a topic many know little about or chose to ignore.

An estimated 100 to 140 million girls and women worldwide are currently living with the consequences of female genital cutting, also called female circumcision. Female genital cutting includes several different forms of cutting practiced for hundreds of years. Infibulation, the most severe, involves cutting some or all of the external genitalia, leaving only a very small opening for urination and menstruation.

The procedure can also cause serious health and social problems that follow a woman her whole life. The health complications from infibulation can include chronic and severe pain, infection, prolonged and difficult labor and difficulties with menstruation. Psychologically, cutting can cause tension between couples due to painful or difficult sexual relations. Socially, cutting makes it harder for girls to go to school or earn income by making them more likely to marry early.

Every year, in communities around the world, as many as 3 million girls are at risk of this painful procedure despite its many risks. We must do all we can to encourage the governments in the communities where female genital cutting most often occurs to put a stop to it.

The practice of female genital cutting is hard to talk about. It is part of deeply-held religious and cultural beliefs in communities that practice it. But it also is recognized internationally as a violation of the human rights of girls and women. But ignoring it only guarantees more suffering, and leadership from the United States would go a long way in urging the countries where FGC occurs to end this human rights abuse.

Time and Reason

2011-06-18T01:50:00.004-04:00

Everything changes; it's exciting; lovely; such an alluring part of life. Everything happens for some reason. Everything will work out; it will be such a beautiful ending to an adventurous tale.

When things feel awful it's hard to see the outcome. It's hard to stay positive; stretch our limbs to the sky each day. People leave, we leave; it's always hard because you think: why didn't they love me? what did I do wrong? do they care? what about me? You let those questions, each question, hollow you out a little more until your body is the heaviest hollow there could be. You can feel the question, each question, ache in different parts. Why didn't they love me, how could they love someone more? It aches in your belly, keeps you from eating. What did I do wrong? Your constant retelling of every moment spent together, analyzing, it aches your whole skull. Do they care? The thought that they don't care, that they don't think about your needs or worries or wants, well that aches in all the limbs. These aches make us weak, they keep us in bed fearing sleep. They keep us from telephones, from computers, from friends...because, 'why did they leave, why did they leave ME?'

We are self centered by nature. People exist in our lives because they are menat to. Each person, lovely or awful. They exist for exactly the amount of time they should. They teach us things. Little things, extraordinary things about ourselves, our lives, the everything around us. That doesn't make it easier to say goodbye. It doesn't make it easier to think that they have finished their task, made you stronger; we must be strong...we must be strong. You exist and that is extraordinary.

I saw this on a random blog that I follow, awhile back. I recently came across it again and got thinking about how applicable this has been to my life, in a variety of circumstances. Of course, the big one that comes to mind, thinking back three years ago - this was me. I was a wreck. Every last part of me was a disaster, working through pieces of my life, "post-Owen; post-engagement". I was in the middle of an intense semester at grad school - couldn't think, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat (yes, it was the best diet plan I've ever had...so much to the point, I had doctors at work asking if I was sick or if I was okay). I was so unhappy and basked in that sorrow and pity and pain. Thinking back now, I pity myself; I feel sorry for that girl I think about. It's so important to keep the advice given above in perspective - there is a time and a reason for everything; each person that walks into your life is there for a purpose - it is okay to eventually say goodbye, despite how difficult it may be. A friend asked me night before last if this situation, for lack of better words, still bothered me or if I was still in love with Owen. After putting some thought in to my answer, I think for the first time in the past three years, I was able to admit how much I cared for Owen and how I honestly hope he is happy and wish him the best, despite any wrong doing. While I am not in love with him anymore, he, like any person you deeply care for at one point or another during your lifetime, will always have a special place in my heart.

2011-06-16T00:05:00.004-04:00

I sat watching the fireflies last night...love them!

I believe in fairytales

And dreamer's dreams like bed sheet sails

And I believe in Peter Pan and miracles

And anything I can to get by and fireflies

2011-06-06T21:24:00.000-04:00

In honor of the late Bob Marley, who passed away 30 years ago (yesterday)

2011-05-26T12:52:00.003-04:00

"Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow and reach new heights."

Pauline R. Kezer

Emotions of change...

2011-05-21T03:06:00.001-04:00

I am terrible at updating this lately! For those of you that did not know, one month ago I accepted a job offer as a Global Health Specialist with APHL (The Association of Public Health Labs). I have been very excited to get back into the global realm of public health, after working for PAHO. Thursday was my first day and thus far it's been great! I really miss the girls at UDOH (aka the "Beaver Dam") and teaching sex ed and risk reduction type of stuff, but I am excited for what is ahead of me!

That being said, what an emotional couple of weeks! I never thought leaving Utah would be so emotional for me. I have found myself breaking down in tears left and right for the past 3 weeks! For the longest time, majority of the reason I wanted to leave was because I didn't have any really close friends that were single, which meant I rarely had anyone to go out with. I've always had a group of close friends, but they have been spread out, living elsewhere, or have been in serious relationships. Within the last month or so, about the same time I was offered a job in DC, all of my friends have moved out of their boyfriends' places and my other close friend moved back to Utah. I have also reconnected with a few old friends and met a lot of new, great people lately. I know most of these friends, especially my girlfriends, will always be around and will always be there for me, but it has still made for a very difficult and lonely move! Thankfully to my best friend, I am very mobile right now, with my flight benefits, and can always make a quick trip back to Utah to visit...which I plan to do on a variety of occasions throughout the summer!

Tonight one of my best friends (who I met in grad school) called, out of the blue...it was a little bit after midnight my time, but was my saving grace for the night, right as I was feeling a bit down. I stayed in tonight and was feeling lonely and bad that I wasn't out and about, prowling around town with my best girlfriends. How she always knows the perfect time to reach out to me, I'll never know...but I love that girl and am so glad that she will always be in my life! Can't wait to make monthly visits to St Louis to visit you, Miss Scarlett!

The other really hard part about leaving Utah was leaving Grandma! The night before I left, we just hung out in her bedroom, talking and crying. It was hard to leave her, knowing how lonely she's been feeling lately. I think springtime has been hard for her, with the nice weather and not having Grandpa to sit in the yard with. I look out the window occasionally and see her sitting by herself in the front yard. It breaks my heart and I wish I could do more for her. She told me before I left, how much I will be missed; we've been through a lot together the past 2 years - her ER visit, her surgery and recovery, Grandpa's illness and passing...lots of raw emotions. She has really appreciated having someone in the house, even though we don't always spend the time together when we are both there, but it's been nice for her to feel less lonely and like the house isn't as empty. It made me feel bad I was leaving.

Onward and upward though, right?! Ugh...how can something that is supposed to be so great leave me feeling so blue :(

2011-05-05T14:59:00.007-04:00

Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late at night

You are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight

Just hold on to me, I'll hold onto you

It's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

-Ingrid Michaelson

Drowsy Drivin'

2011-04-26T12:14:00.000-04:00

There is a reason why we are told not to drive drowsy. I learned my lesson last week on my way home from a close friend's house, when I fell asleep at the wheel and bounced off the side wall of the freeway. I am very lucky not to have been hurt or have more damage done to my car...and that there was no one else around that I hurt!

2011-04-21T15:23:00.001-04:00

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled... Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." — Maya Angelo

2011-04-07T09:51:00.000-04:00

I wish more people could remember this lesson...

2011-03-31T11:40:00.000-04:00

Image thanks to stephen

"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

Ayn Rand

2011-03-24T12:45:00.001-04:00

Image thanks to tmcdaily

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust... Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

e.e. cummings

N'Orleans and the District

2011-03-21T00:37:00.001-04:00

I went on a quick little trip to New Orleans a couple weeks ago with one of my best friends, Scarlett, her boyfriend and their baby. It was such a fun, relaxing weekend and the perfect person to be with when mom called (an hour after landing) to tell me that Grandpa Larsen had passed away. I greatly needed the escape and was okay leaving, knowing he'd go while I was gone. It was really hard to say that last goodbye and I cried the entire way to the airport, full of guilt that I was walking away as he passed and not sitting there right next to him. However, that being said, I had been there straight for almost 2 weeks at that point and I literally could NOT do it, emotionally, any longer! Not to mention there was a lot of family there...not to mention, I think mom and Uncle Harold may have pushed me in the car had I said one more time that I shouldn't go. It was nice to have that support and it was the decision that needed to happen. There were people there when he went and I had done everything I could...that is what really mattered to me. After the first evening, of crying a good portion of the flight to New Orleans, getting the phone call and crying some more, I was able to put the emotions on hold, for the most part, and enjoy my time and the 76 degree weather!

Not the greatest video quality (as it was very dark in there)...but a song everyone must hear in New Orleans!

We spent majority our time eating yummy food, listening to live jazz in little dive bars, wandering the cute streets and shops, and admiring the beautiful homes in the Garden District.

Being attacked!

Jazz Brunch

You can't say this isn't the cutest thing you've ever seen! My baby boyfriend and the little Demon that I have come to love. This is Scarlett's little guy...he LOVES me, as you can see in the video!

Scarlett and I also spent some time together a few weekends ago, in Washington, D.C. I was out there visiting friends, doing some job networking/hunting, and taking a break from things at home, the same time she and Billy were in the area. So we met up at the National Botanical Gardens, the Zoo, and a variety of dinners (figures...FOODIES!).

Spanish Tapas Restaurant...with live music

Our bread sticks that looked like joints. We are so mature.

The National Zoo - baby gorilla!

Despite looking awkward, he's still smiling, that's always a plus! :)


Not sure what's going on here? haha

Oh how I miss see Scarlett everyday of my life - stuck in our dungeon room during grad school. It's been nice to spend more time together lately! I love it! One of my two friends that gets me! She understands me and gives me the best advice and I love her to death!

2011-03-17T12:48:00.001-04:00

Image thanks to yellowbird

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..."

Dr. Seuss

Someone Like You

2011-03-13T01:45:00.002-05:00

I love Adele's most recent popular tune. I love what she says at the beginning of this clip. I think we have all felt that moment of despair when it comes to relationships. Those moments of despair are always what change us and oftentimes make us better people. I ponder on her exact words a lot! I think about people I've been in love with...how would I treat them down the road if I were to see them again. Would I be able to walk up and carry out a conversation and be cordial? Or would I turn my back and run like hell, hoping that person doesn't see me before I am able to escape? I would like to think that I could take the higher road and be a decent person. However, sometimes people leave you in rotten situation, people do terrible things to you, leaving a bad taste in your mouth and other times it may just be a more simple heartbreak. I often think about running into my ex-fiance. The way things ended left me in a pit of the most awful feelings in the world. I can't even begin to explain the despair I felt and the pain I struggled through to make myself happy. The vast amounts of weight loss, the lakes of tears that were cried, the anxiety and countless hours of lost sleep thinking about it all, not to mention the debt that was left in my name. What would I do if I saw him? I wish I could say that I would be excited to see how he is, how life has been so good to him...but it's the opposite, I feel that I would probably run. I am glad he doesn't live close. However, there are other men that I have fallen for that I do truly wish nothing but the best for! The most recent at the top of the list! Sometimes its something more simple...distance, that keeps you apart. It doesn't discount that he is still one of the most amazing, inspiring, sincere, and wonderful men I have ever met! He is one I would never run from, like my ex-fiance, and one that I would always wish the best for. I think that is where this song has most meaning lately...it will work out sooner or later with him, or I would only want to find another best person...someone else like him and wish him the very, very best in life (because he deserves it)!

I feel occasionally that I relate to Adele, when she describes the feeling of running into that person down the road and they have moved on, with kids and a beautiful wife, and she is still on her own. I am okay being independent and alone. I have listened to my friends battling the depths of a bad relationships and horrifying divorces. I would rather be single forever than to have to go through what some of my closest friends have been through. However, I think about what it's like to be in love, with someone that is wonderful...I wish I had that sometimes. Anyway, just food for thought. Enjoy the song! I love Adele and love this beautiful tune!

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I heard that you're settled down.
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.
Old friend why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited.
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead yeah.

You'd know how the time flies.
Only yesterday was the time of our lives.
We were born and raised in a summery haze.
Bound by the surprise of our glory days.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away I couldn't fight it.
I'd hoped you'd see my face & that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over yet.

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg
I remember you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nothing compares
no worries or cares.
Regrets and mistakes they're memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg,
I remembered you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"

Nevermind I'll find someone like you.
I wish nothing but the best for you too.
Don't forget me I beg,
I remembered you said: "Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
but sometimes it hurts instead

2011-03-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

Image thanks to kelsey

"Dont bend; dont water it down; dont try to make it logical; dont edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly."

Franz Kafka

2011-03-08T00:51:00.000-05:00

Reminds me of ME :) I hope I have little girls that will learn easily like this! ha

Rest in peace, Grandpa

2011-02-24T02:45:00.004-05:00

I have such good brothers, you know that? I have always been very close with my two brothers. I can think of some of the times when I have had very difficult moments, emotionally. My brothers are always there for me. It's soothing. They each have their wife, but they are always standing there, ready to hold me up at just the right time, when I am wishing that I had a significant other, like them, to hold me up for just a minute when I really need it.

Tonight was Grandpa's viewing. I have supressed my feelings, overall, all week. I knew the moment I looked at pictures and waited to see him (which I wasn't really sure I wanted to, since I'm not a fan of open-casket viewings), I would be a goner! Sure enough. I spent a few moments looking at the photo display my mom put together and even though I had seen all the pictures a million times, there was one imparticular...nothing special, just a candid shot, that really got me going. I turned around and my little brother was standing there...almost like he was waiting for my moment of vulnerability to kick in and I collapsed in his embrace. About the time I pulled myself together and he walked away, I walked into the room and for some reason the flood gates opened once again. As they did, my older brother I suppose saw me or could just sense that I needed someone, as I stood there alone. I cried. And cried. And now I am getting teary-eyed, thinking of it. Why is it so hard to let go of someone, when you are glad they have gone and are at peace? So many great memories of Grandpa and it was nice to see him at peace tonight, even though I don't really think it looked much like him.

This song was one I heard numerous times in New Orleans, the weekend my Grandpa passed...it made me tear up every time I heard it!

Some glad morning when this life is o'er,
I'll fly away;
To a home on God's celestial shore,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

When the shadows of this life have gone,
I'll fly away;
Like a bird from prison bars has flown,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

Just a few more weary days and then,
I'll fly away;
To a land where joy shall never end,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away)

I'll fly away, Oh Glory
I'll fly away; (in the morning)
When I die, Hallelujah, by and by,
I'll fly away (I'll fly away).

In loving memory

2011-02-23T17:48:00.000-05:00

Clyde Harold Larsen 1922 ~ 2011 Clyde Harold Larsen (88) born 3 November, 1922; died peacefully at his home in Murray on Saturday 19 February, 2011 due to complications of age.Clyde was the first of five children of Harold Christian Larsen and Ellen Goldia Petersen. He was raised in the Sugarhouse area of Salt Lake City. He graduated from South High school. Clyde served a mission to the Eastern States Mission before World War II. As a lieutenant in the US Army, he went to Europe right at the end of World War II. Not long following Clyde's return from the service his father passed away in a tragic automobile accident, Clyde assumed the responsibility for the family electrical business and completed all the jobs which his father had commitments for at the time of his death. He also took over his father's responsibilities as Sexton at Elysian Burial Gardens, and has served on the Board of Directors there until his death. Clyde married Katherine Louise Lee on the 11th of September 1947 in the Salt Lake Temple. They were blessed with nine beautiful and talented children He worked as a foreman on the construction of many LDS Church buildings, in Mississippi, Florida, Alabama and Utah. On those occasions where he could take his family, he did. He also built visitors facilities at the Hill Cumorah and Peter Whitmer Farm in upstate New York. He was a foreman during the building of the Deseret Gym in Salt Lake City. In 1980 he started his own construction company, "Clyde H. Larsen & Sons Construction". His craftsmanship was so remarkable, that he was also entrusted to remodel several Temples including, Salt Lake, Provo, Washington DC, Ogden, Logan, Atlanta, Manti and the Salt Lake Tabernacle. He built or remodeled every home that his family and all of his children's families have lived in. These houses stand today as a memorial of craftsmanship and love for his family. He served faithfully as a husband, father, home teacher, Young Men's President, High Councilman, Bishopric, and Patriarch. Clyde served a second mission with his wife to the East Houston Texas Mission. He was preceded in death by his parents, three brothers, Leland, Keith and Boyd; one son, Wayne and four grandchildren Rachel Larsen and Robbie, Sarah and Brad Birkinshaw. He is survived by his wife Louise, his sister Virginia Moss, and his children: LesLee (Lee) Neal, Joan (Randy) Lunt, Lonnie (Robert) Birkinshaw, Harold (DeAnn) Larsen, Shirl (Elizabeth) Larsen, Leisha (Don) Staley, Wayne (Jana) Larsen, Sterling (Carol) Larsen, O'Lynn (Bob) Elliot. He has 57 grandchildren, 42 great- grandchildren, and five grandchildren now serving full time missions. A viewing will be held Wednesday evening 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. at Jenkins- Soffe Funeral Home at 1007 W. So Jordan Parkway (106th So). Funeral services will be Thursday, Feb. 24, at 11:00 a.m. in the Murray Parkway Stake Center, at 619 W. 5750 So. (off 700 W.) It will be preceded by a viewing from 9:30 a.m. to 10:45 a.m.

A favorite of mine...

2011-02-17T09:31:00.004-05:00

For just a while, calm your thoughts. In this moment, simply be.

There is much in your life, and there is much more to come.

Yet you have always been, and you always are, more than enough.

For a moment, let go of the way you appear and the things you’ve done. Feel the truth and power of who you are.

In silence, there is much you can know. Beyond thought, there is much you can understand.

Touch the person who always lives inside the person you are. Be immersed in the beauty and wonder of being.

Feel the strength that is always there. And know that whatever may come, all is well.

— Ralph Marston

A bucket of tears

2011-02-16T01:02:00.004-05:00

Sometimes not even a good, hard cry will fix things or make them better...and sometimes not even a whole evening of laying in bed with Grandma, crying together, will help either. The price of free rent at Grandma and Grandpa's is now being paid at a high rate, with my emotions. Living here the past three weeks has been hard, to say the least. My heart can't take anymore. I feel so selfish saying that though, like I am the only one having a difficult time watching Grandpa slowly and painfully die. It is one thing to lose someone you love and care about, it is a completely different experience though having the whole situation integrated as part of your daily life.

I took a few days off last week to do some job hunting in DC and felt as guilty as a parent must feel, leaving their infant behind while vacationing. I came back feeling a little bit lighter than when I had left, emotionally speaking. However, after watching Grandma break down sobbing tonight, my heart aches and feels heavier than ever. She has been so upbeat and positive the past 3 weeks during this rapid decline in Grandpa's health - joking that she hopes he doesn't expect her to follow him too quickly because she wants to party some more and she has been finding the strength to do all she can for her life-long lover and friend. She has been so strong, mustering up everything that she has left to give to him. I laid in her twin bed with her while she went through the emotions and realization that it is time for Grandpa to go. The decision was made today between Harold and Grandpa, to bring hospice in tomorrow, as the pain is too great for Grandpa to bear any longer. I presume they may give him some morphine, which I imagine will be enough for him to slip into a peaceful sleeping coma...who knows though. I am not sure he will last the week, although I thought that a month ago and he's still here. This time it is different though and I think we all know it. It is hard to see him suffer, confused and, at times, gasping for air. I cannot believe how quickly he has gone down hill; it has been so hard to watch.

Grandpa's health quickly plunged a few weeks ago,on a Thursday evening shortly after I walked in the house, after spending an hour in my car, talking on the phone to a friend in Baltimore. Thoughts of my rather lengthy and emotional conversation quickly escaped me as I realized Grandpa was grasping for air and was beginning to cry as he walked into his bedroom. Shoeing away anyone that came close to the room, I think out of embarrassment, he welcomed me in to wipe away his tears. I am not sure why he was okay with me being in there, but it made me feel special. I sat with him for about an hour that night, until Harold made it to the house; I let him take over from there. Things have not been the same since. There was a 2 week period following that Thursday night where I didn't see him awake once. I am grateful he's been able to sleep so much, but feel sad that his suffering isn't over yet. Tonight, after Grandma was able to spend some time alone, talking with him, Shirl and I sat in there while Grandpa expressed his love and appreciation and Grandma talked until Grandpa dozed off. It felt....peaceful, despite the river of tears streaming down each of our faces.

Hence, there is a time to go ahead and a time to stay behind.

There is a time to breathe easy and a time to breathe hard.

There is a time to be vigorous and a time to be gentle.

There is a time to gather and a time to release.

Can you see things as they are

And let them be all on their own?

~ Lao-tzu

GOALS

2011-02-15T00:34:00.002-05:00

Take some time to get clear and write about what you really want in life so you can more easily identify which requests truly support your goals. A study from Harvard University shows that people who write down their life goals and regularly consider them when making choices are 97 percent more successful in building the lives they want than people who do not have clear life objectives.

So I read this in an article a couple weeks ago and started thinking about how anti-new year's goals I am. I had a few in mind though that I would like to write out and work through. So that being said, I am setting myself a goal to get that done, in addition to catching up my blog in whole by the end of February. Who knows if I will really, but I am going to put forth my best effort. I have kept a running word document of thoughts I'd like to post on here, so it is is all accessible to me, in the same place. I've also got some great pictures to share, so I will really try to work on this - so watch out, there maybe be quite a few posts over the next couple weeks (and yes, they will be outdated...I have all of them written, I just need to take the time to edit and add some pictures).

2011-02-14T23:09:00.001-05:00

Yup, this is totally how I feel about Valentine's day (single or attached). I think it is silly to have a "holiday" to celebrate your love for someone. Shouldn't that be done every day of the year? I don't know. I do have to say though that after helping my friend's boyfriend surprise her tonight and seeing her melt into his arms and appear to be so excited by such a great surprise, I was slightly envious I didn't have a date of some sort. I don't admit to that very often, even if it's something I am feeling. I think part of that could be the high emotions taking their toll on me lately - between everything going on at home, with Grandpa, to my most recent "heart-break" left in Baltimore, just to be friend for now (yes, one more reason to push for a big/permanent move back to D.C.). Anyway, such is life. I am a big girl and have my big girl panties on...spending the rest of my so-called romantic night writing cover letters and hitting the sack early, so I can get up and get to the gym.

2011-02-03T11:16:00.000-05:00

“With each new day it becomes more apparent to me that everything and everyone in this world is connected in some beautiful and inexplicable way, and the more I accept that, the more my world seems to come together.”

- Andrew McMahon

2011-01-27T12:48:00.000-05:00

"The great gift of family life is to be intimately acquainted with people you might never even introduce yourself to, had life not done it for you."

Kendall Hailey

What it takes to love well and wisely

2011-01-20T12:07:00.000-05:00

Came across this article the other day and absolutely loved it (I know, cheesy, right? I feel fine about posting it though...my blog is more for me than other people, but happy if someone gets something out of it)! I think she's got some really great points and wonderful things to keep in mind, when it comes to relationships, in general.

"What's great is that we can relearn, recondition, and see other possibilities."

By Cathleen Medwick, Oprah.com

January 7, 2011 6:48 p.m. EST

On my way to interview Dr. Ethel Person, M.D., the celebrated psychoanalyst and Columbia University professor who teaches and writes about love, I took a little detour into my past. Around the corner from Person's home was the quaint old brownstone where, long ago, a handsome stranger arrived on my doorstep.

He wasn't looking for love; he was looking for an apartment. My latest bad-news boyfriend had just suggested I get silicone implants; suddenly, I was ready to supplant him. The apartment hunter and I talked, we had coffee, and a year later, we got married. Where did I go right?

Ethel Person can answer that. She is a dark-haired woman with warm eyes and an air of absolute confidence. If love is a battlefield, she's a five-star general. Her mission, these days, is to help people understand how love can turn their lives around -- though not necessarily in the ways they expect.

"I think romantic love is one of the great change agents," she says as we sit in her book-lined living room overlooking Central Park.

"We come to know ourselves in a different way when we fall in love, and whatever happens to that relationship, we are changed. We know something we didn't know before. We discover capacities that we didn't think we had. You did it," she tells me. "You had a relationship that didn't work, and you changed. You said, 'Enough!'"

"True," I answer, "but look at all the years I wasted." Ethel Person disagrees. "People should not judge failed love affairs as failed experiences but as part of the growth process. Something does not have to end well for it to have been one of the most valuable experiences of a lifetime."

Try telling Cinderella that. Most people I know still cling to the idea that love has to have a happy ending. When a relationship breaks up, they feel cheated of their future. And if they've never fallen in love, they become desperately afraid they never will.

"People can love more than once," Person assures me. "And love happens to people of all ages, because one's internal life changes, as well as one's opportunities. I don't see love as something that if you don't get it by the time you're 30, cross it off the list."

When you're a therapist, she says, people come to you in anguish about a love affair that's gone sour, a marriage that's gone wrong. And some people worry that they'll never be able to let go enough to love anybody: "The reason is usually buried in their childhood, in some fear of being found wanting, or in parental disapproval. Not that the parent doesn't love the child, but that the parent doesn't see the potential beauty or the soul in a child, can't really endorse her in some way.

"People may also find it hard to love if they've been abused by their parents or were so over monitored that they feel any relationship means being imprisoned. Or someone may have had parents who were miserably mismatched and says, 'I will never let myself be in the situation that my mother was in. To get married is to give away my autonomy, and I'm not going to do it.' So our capacity to love often depends on having a good enough childhood -- not a great one, just good enough."

Can we ever undo the effects of a really disastrous childhood? (I've been married for 27 years now, and I'm still working on that one.)

"Yes, through experience, sometimes through therapy," Person says. "Some people go away from home for college or a job and find out that not everybody is like the family they grew up in. What's great is that we can relearn, recondition, and see other possibilities."

Okay, but how do you preserve your hard-won sense of self and still experience the enraptured merging that most of us see as the essence of romance?

"In fact," says Person, "all love has this internal dynamic between togetherness and oneness, and independence and separateness. I think that for a love affair to flourish, there have to be independent interests that can be shared, as well as interests that are the same.

"One person described it well in talking about his parents. He said they were looking out in the same direction instead of always staring into each other's eyes. Intense physical passion waxes and wanes. Once you've had it, it can always come back. But what sustains you in between is having something that interests you both enough that you can share it, talk about it, do it together."

A confession: My husband and I have had some of our biggest arguments about which video to watch. Mention the Three Stooges if you want to see my hackles rise.

"Well, you have to pick your fights," Person says, confessing that she herself is perfectly capable of fighting to the death over the color to paint a bedroom.

"Look, in any good relationship there have to be bursts of anger and disagreement. And in those moments, if somebody asked, 'Are you in love?' you'd say, 'Are you kidding me?' But those become part and parcel of the journey. We have the capacity to repair relationships -- it's like having a scratch that heals. In other words, our psychological makeup has built-in healing mechanisms the same way our body does. You have to have enough conviction in the strength of the bond that you can risk some disagreement. You have to be able to take a hit."

A tall order if you're already one of the walking wounded. Having grown up with parents whose fights were soul shattering, I thought relationship was a code word for pain.

Giving up that preconception felt like a giant leap into the dark. It took years of dead-end love affairs (and a healthy dose of therapy) to push me over the edge. I not only had to find someone who could love me, I finally realized, I had to take the risk of loving him back.

That's the kind of risk Ethel Person fully approves of. "People are so different in their ability to let go. They need to know in the back of their minds that if it doesn't work, it's not the end of the world. If I sorrow for anyone, it's for someone who has never rolled the dice, rather than for someone who has rolled the dice and lost a hand or two."

Hidden Rules Among Classes

2011-01-13T08:02:00.000-05:00

I thought this clip of "hidden rules among classes," posted by the Deseret News was really interesting. Just something to think about; something to be said about the simplicity of life. One of the greatest lesson I've learned in life, from my travels to developing countries. I remember sitting in a remote village in Ghana, after a day of Malaria testing, watching three girls that were about 15-17 years old. I remember thinking how simple their lives appeared to be, compared to what I pictured any teen of about the same age back home, in the US. These girls weren't worried about what car they got to drive when they turned 16; they weren't worried about make up, nail polish, their luscious locks of bleached-out hair; they sat in a circle playing a game, snickering at every young teenage boy that walked by. You could see their happiness radiating in their smiles and eyes. It was beautiful; honestly. I envied them as I sat and watched them. They really knew what life was about...family, friends, and finding happiness in such simple things. The "Poverty" rules here have such a great perspective, in my opinion! Yes, there are rules that are under each class that I like and dislike, thinking of myself personally. However, I think this chart is quite accurate in a lot of ways...makes me think that sometimes we, majority of which are middle to wealthy-classed people, have a skewed perspective. I don't know. Just something to think about, right?

	POVERTY	MIDDLE CLASS	WEALTH
POSSESSIONS	People.	Things.	One-of -a-kind objects, legacies, pedigrees.
MONEY	To be used, spent.	To be managed.	To be conserved, invested.
PERSONALITY	Is for entertainment. Sense of humor is highly valued.	Is for acquisition and stability. Achievement is highly valued.	Is for connections. Financial, political, social connections are highly valued.
SOCIAL EMPHASIS	Social inclusion of people he/she likes.	Emphasis is on self-governance and self-sufficiency.	Emphasis is on social exclusion.
FOOD	Key question: Did you have enough? Quantity important.	Key question: Did you like it? Quality Important.	Key question: Was it presented well? Presentation important.
CLOTHING	Clothing valued for individual style and expression of personality.	Clothing valued for its quality and acceptance into norm of middle class. Label important.	Clothing valued for its artistic sense and expression. Designer important.
TIME	Present most important. Decisions made for moment based on feelings or survival.	Future most important. Decisions made against future ramifications;	Traditions and history, most important. Decisions mode partially on basis of tradition and decorum.
EDUCATION	Valued and revered as abstract but not as reality.	Crucial for climbing success ladder and making money.	Necessary tradition for making and maintaining connections.
DESTINY	Believes in fate. Cannot do much to mitigate chance.	Believes in choice. Can change future with good choices now.	Noblesse oblige.
LANGUAGE	Casual register. Language is about survival.	Formal register. Language is about negotiation.	Formal register. Language is about networking.
FAMILY STRUCTURE	Tends to be matriarchal.	Tends to be patriarchal.	Depends on who has money.
WORLD VIEW	Sees world in terms of local setting	Sees world in terms of notional setting.	Sees world in terms of international view.
LOVE	Love and acceptance conditional based upon whether individual is liked.	Love and acceptance conditional and based largely upon achievement.	Love and acceptance conditional and related to social standing and connections.
DRIVING FORCES	Survival, relationships, entertainment.	Work, achievement.	Financial, political, social connections.
HUMOR	About people and sex.	About situations.	About social faux pas.

Source: Ruby Payne

Haiti on my mind...

2011-01-12T10:55:00.001-05:00

Haiti, mon pays
Wounded mother I'll never see
Ma famille set me free
Throw my ashes into the sea

Mes cousins jamais nes
Hantent les nuits de Duvalier
Rien n'arrete nos espirits
Guns can't kill what soldiers can't see

In the forest we are hiding
Unmarked graves where flowers grow
Hear the soldiers angry yelling
In the river we will go

Tous les morts-nes forment une armee
Soon we will reclaim the earth
All the tears and all the bodies
Bring about our second birth

Haiti, never free
N'aie pas peur de sonner l'alarme
Tes enfants sont partis
In those days their blood was still warm

(Translation: Haiti, my country, wounded mother I'll never see. My family set me free. Throw my ashes into the sea. My cousins, never born, haunt the nights of Duvalier. Nothing stops our spirits. Guns can't kill what soldiers can' t see. In the forest we are hiding, unmarked graves where flowers grow. Hear the soldiers angry yelling, in the river we will go. All the still-born children form an army, soon we will reclaim the earth. All the tears and all the bodies bring about our second birth.Haiti, never free, don't be afraid to sound the alarm your children are gone in those days their blood was still warm.)

Jan 12, 2010 brought intense pain and sorrow to a country that I couldn't have imagined taking on any more suffering. The massive earthquake on that day brought Haiti to the surface of attention. A country that many people couldn't have placed on a map, people and a culture that aren't thought about on a daily basis, devastation that many can't even begin to comprehend, including those that were affected and appear to be so resilient...Haiti has been on my mind for years now, studying and working in public health. I have had many missed opportunities to visit this country, but hope at some point I will make my trip to Haiti. In the meantime, Haiti is on my mind. Especially lately though. Throughout November and December, I was back in Washington, D.C., working for my old boss at WHO/PAHO. For four weeks the only thing that was on my mind was cholera and Haiti. The devastation in this country just doesn't end and I don't think anyone can wrap their mind around the extent of pain and suffering. As I sat through all these meetings with top officials, including world-renowned Epidemiologists, Doctors, Politicians, etc, I have never felt so sad. Studying Haiti and all their problems, I have always had a glimpse of hope for their future. Sadly, I don't feel that right now...gut-wrenching image after image break my heart and make me lose my sense of hope that I try to maintain when I think of those that are there. I think of the pain and suffering that has been endured, throughout past generations and that will be endured for generations to come.

You take 2010 alone, this country has suffered one of the most devastating earthquakes our earth has seen (in the sense of impact on human beings), one that killed more than 300,000 humans and displaced around 1.5 million, most of which will never rebuild their homes or lives and will be in long term camps for internally displaced populations. This country has more recently faced extreme flooding during the 2010 hurricane season, specifically with Hurricane Tomas, which hit in November. This is a country that so gratefully had not been exposed to Cholera for more than 100 years, but within the last few months has been introduced to the bacteria, creating an outbreak that has devastated countless...numbers aren't even accurate at this point, as there is no effective surveillance system set in place.

Hasn’t this country suffered enough? Unfortunately not. The entire infrastructure is a disaster in Haiti, which means this country is far from seeing the end of its own misery. As long as there is a corrupt system in place...as long as there is no infrastructure...as long as people, particularly those in power, are only in it for themselves and not for the well-being of the Haitians...this country will continue to be a disaster. How do you fix a country that is so messed up? How do you solve all of the issues? There are SO many layers to even the most basic of issues. Mass education and a shift in politics, with a little top soil would do wonders for this country...but again, so many layers...where do you even begin to try and fix even those three problems?

Just thoughts on my mind...I wish I had the answers. I wish I could do more to help. I wish people that don't belong there would stay out and not use up the resources that are needed for those in need. Haiti is on my mind, especially today...the first anniversary of the earthquake.

"Nothingman"

2011-01-11T15:26:00.003-05:00

This is my favorite song, as of late. I love it! I could honestly put it on repeat and listen over and over!

My poor lungs...

2011-01-09T18:58:00.000-05:00

This is what they have been suffering!

Yes, INVERSION...gross! I came across this blog posting that very clearly explains inversion. I want to share because I think it is interesting and I think all to often people don't understand what inversion actually is, nor do they do their part to reduce the smog, by carpooling, taking public transit, or just reducing amount of daily driving.

Summarizing though...Normally during the day, the ground gets heated up by the sun. The hot ground warms up the air immediately above it, and that warmed air rises. But in winter, with snow on the ground and a low sun-angle, the ground is often colder than the air and acts to cool the air immediately above. The cool air is dense and so it doesn’t rise; it sinks, hugging the floor of the valley. When the weather is “nice”, with clear skies and high pressure, warmer air in the sky above, the warmer air sits on top of the cold air, which can’t rise, holding it in place in the valley below. During an inversion, freezing water vapor from a water source- such as snow- is produced by evaporation. The water vapor can’t rise up to dissipate or form clouds or whatever, and instead and fills the cold-air layer with a chilly mist. The damp air serves to amplify the chill, especially for us Westerners, who are accustomed to a ”dry cold.”

The trapped compounds are known as secondary pollutants...they’re not the stuff that comes directly out of your tailpipe, but rather the result of the sunlight-fueled reactions between the tailpipe emissions and other stuff in the atmosphere.There are other sources of pollutants that contribute to bad air conditions during inversions, but cars account for the lion’s share by far. The air quality effects are exacerbated by thin air, which is a by-product of altitude. This is why 8,000-foot high Mexico City suffers so terribly from inversion-produced smog. At 4,300 feet, the altitude is also a factor in Salt Lake’s inversions.

All I have to say is gross, GROSS, GROSS! I realize inversion is normal, but it is still so gross. I literally couldn't see our beautiful mountains majority of the week.

Check out this cool interactive website to see how pollutants affect our lungs: http://www.airquality.utah.gov/clean_air/archive/SWF/lung_control.swf

ON THAT NOTE...

I will gladly be escaping this muck, come Thursday! I am planning to take advantage of my flight benefits, a long weekend, and a dear cousin, who currently lives in MAUI. I recruited a friend from San Francisco that I rarely get to see and we are going to head to Maui for five days to bum around on the beach. I can hardly wait to get away from the cold and gross air!

Changing the World

2011-01-07T01:25:00.002-05:00

Mahatma Gandhi believed that we must be the change we want to see in the world. This was well demonstrated when he helped India gain its independence. Gandhi was a revolutionary man, but he accomplished India's emergence as a nation without starting a revolution. In fact, he advocated no violence. One of the most powerful countries in the world yielded to the commitment of one man and the dream of millions.
What change can we effect? What's the difference we want to make in the world?
Gandhi said, "In a gentle way you can shake the world." Here are some things to think about how to do just that …
1. Know that all significant change throughout history has occurred not because of nations, armies, governments and certainly not committees. They happened as a result of the courage and commitment of individuals. People like Joan of Ark, Albert Einstein, Clara Barton, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison and Rosa Parks. They might not have done it alone, but they were, without question, the change makers.
2. Believe that you have a unique purpose and potential in the world. It's not so much something to create as to be discovered. And it's up to you to discover it. Believe that you can and will make a difference.
3. Recognize that everything you do, every step you take, every sentence you write, every word you speak-or DON'T speak--counts. Nothing is trivial. The world may be big, but there are no small things. Everything matters.
4. To be the change you want to see in the world, you don't have to be loud. You don't have to be eloquent. You don't have to be elected. You don't even have to be particularly smart or well educated. You do, however, have to be committed.
5. Take personal responsibility. Never think "it's not my job". It's a cop-out to say, "What can I do, I'm only one person." You don't need everyone's cooperation or anyone's permission to make changes. Remember this little gem, "If it's to be, it's up to me."
6. Don't get caught up in the how of things. If you're clear on what you want to change and why you want to change it, the how will come. Many significant things have been left undone because someone let the problem solving interfere with the decision-making.
7. Don't wait for things to be right in order to begin. Change is messy. Things will never be just right. Follow Teddy Roosevelt's timeless advice, "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
8. The genesis for change is awareness. We cannot change what we don't acknowledge. Most of the time, we aren't aware of what's wrong or what's not working. We don't see what could be. By becoming more aware, we begin the process of change.
9. Take to heart these words from Albert Einstein--arguably one of the smartest change masters who ever lived: "All meaningful and lasting change starts first in your imagination and then works its way out. Imagination is more important than knowledge."
10. In order for things to change, YOU have to change. We can't change others; we can only change ourselves. However, when WE change, it changes everything. And in doing so, we truly can be the change we want to see in the world.

The following is inscribed on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop in Westminster Abby (1100 A.D.) …
When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.
But it, too, seemed immovable.
As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.
And now, as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.
From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country, and who knows, I may have even changed the world.

Since my 10-point list above was inspired by Gandhi's belief, it seems appropriate to end with another of his quotes: "Consciously or unconsciously, every one of us does render some service or other. If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service will steadily grow stronger and we will make not only our own happiness, but that of the world at large."

By Michael Angier

To a New Year!

2011-01-01T17:32:00.003-05:00

1.1.11

"We will open the book. It's pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day." (Edith Lovejoy Pierce)

HERE'S TO 2011...HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Grandma "Weez" & Grandpa Clyde

2010-12-24T00:18:00.007-05:00

What a week! It's so difficult to watch your loved ones age. Living with Grandma and Grandpa has a lot of pros, but there are definitely a few cons! One of the things I have loved the most about living here, is that Grandma is always good at making me laugh! I can be exhausted or in the worst mood and she can always get me laughing pretty hard! I love Grandpa's sweet humor. He makes simple little jokes and laughs at himself, while everyone else is still trying to figure out what he said. I love it and I love his smile; it makes me happy...they make me happy, these little things, like down to the soul type of happy. This however, creates the negative part of living here - watching them get old and seeing their health steadily digress. It hurts to watch that and sometimes can be so emotional, ESPECIALLY the past month or two, with Grandpa. I don't expect him to live much longer and watching him gasp for a breath whenever he tries to say something is so difficult.

Last April was one of those overwhelming emotional times of living with them. Grandma was admitted to the hospital, after I took her to the ER. She had her gallbladder removed and finally recovered, while maintaining her spit-fire attitude. Now I watch on a daily basis, both of my grandparents steadily growing older. I know they are ready to die; Grandma tells me every single day. This thought makes me sad, but sometimes happy. I think about how happy it would make them to be out of their pain. The hardest part about watching all of this, is to see how frustrated they get about the challenges of aging. Grandma thinks she is lazy and has a hard time with the fact that she can't get up and do everything she wants to, everything that makes her happy. Grandpa never seems to openly express the frustrations like Grandma does, but I am sure he gets frustrated that he can't see very well...or that he can't hear (at all...tv is full blast and I can hear it when I pull into the driveway sometimes).

These are the thoughts that make me sad...so let's leave those for a bit and focus on the rest of the beautiful things about getting to live with your 88-year-old grandparents. I love my grandparents and I love how proud they are of me and that they express it on a daily basis (yes, it gets old, but is still so sweet of them to say how they feel, every day). I love making my grandma's day, because she gets so happy to see visitors. I love hearing how much Grandma appreciates my mom (among a couple of her siblings) coming on a weekly basis to help them - this is something I love, because I really appreciate my mom and always am happy to hear how much my grandparent's do, too (even if Grandma jokes about it fulfilling their 'children duties'). Above all, I LOVE watching the love my grandparents have for each other. It honestly brings a tear to my eye. Never have I seen two people bicker more than the two of them, but in such a lovingly way...and never have I seen two people so perfectly in love and so content to just sit and enjoy each others company. I will find them in the summertime sitting on the back patio, just sitting there. Sometimes they will be talking, other times just holding hands and watching the sunset. It's beautiful.

While Grandma was in the hospital this last spring, she would call Grandpa (and yes, I would eavesdrop on their calls...I know, I am a horrible human being, but I am so glad I did it) and beg him to come to the hospital and pick her up so she didn't have to be in that miserable place any longer (this was after about 4-6 days of being there). She would threaten that if he didn't come get her, she was going to call a taxi to get her out of that "damned place". They would both laugh and then her laugh would turn into sobs. Grandpa would comfort her over the phone, telling her how much he loved her and how he wished he could come sit with her and hold her hand. He would then tell her to remember all the good times they have had together and to think about their wonderful children. It was the most precious conversation.

Sigh. I know it's life. I know they are OKAY with dying. But why does it have to be so hard for those of us that will be left behind. The thought of losing them is hard, but it is even harder to watch Grandpa with the way he is now. It makes me so heartbroken and sad. I don't like it, not one little bit!

2010-12-23T12:32:00.001-05:00

“There is a big difference in what we long for, what

we settle for, and what we are meant for.”

2010-12-09T12:52:00.000-05:00

The Hidden Power of the Heart

Enthusiasm created from the heart is the spirit of the matter. It ignites your whole system so there's no drag, no resistance, no thoughts like "Do I have to?" coming from the head to sabotage the power of your surrender.

This is deep...

2010-12-02T11:29:00.002-05:00

Image thanks to sandhu

"In this new world, you and I make it up as we go along, not because we lack expertise or planning skills, but because that is the nature of reality. Reality changes shape and meaning because of our activity. And it is constantly new. We are required to be there, as active participants. It can't happen without us and nobody can do it for us."

Margaret Wheatley

World AIDS Day 2010

2010-12-01T02:39:00.004-05:00

As many of you may know, Dec 1 (today) marks World AIDS Day. Two decades ago this was a mysterious disease that we knew very little about. Over time, AIDS has become a disease that is widely spread and has a tremendous amount of research being done on it. There are many misconceptions about HIV/AIDS and all aspects of the epidemic. As an HIV instructor and educator, I find it very important to break down the stigma and be as open as possible when talking about this sensitive topic. I find many it is a difficult topic to address, given the taboo of talking about sex and the activities related, but one that is extremely important to address.

I have taken a little excerpt from a site I came across that gives some great basic information. It is always best to be informed with the correct information. The following questions were answered by Dr Elaine Leader, who is in private practice in Los Angeles after extensive work at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, and is the Co-Founder and Executive Director of Teen-Line, a youth hotline where teenagers can call anonymously to talk about the problems facing their lives, from family situations to sexual questions. She is a true wealth of knowledge on the many issues facing teenagers and young adults in today’s world, AIDS just being one of them, but one that is incredibly important to understand, so that everyone can protect themselves.

What exactly is AIDS?

AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) is a viral syndrome where the immune system fails, and leads to many life-threatening infections.

How is AIDS contracted?

The majority of HIV infections are a result of unprotected sex – oral, vaginal or anal or through shared needles or contact with infected blood.

What is the difference between HIV and AIDS?

HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) is a retrovirus that causes AIDS. It may not lead to AIDS, particularly when treatment is instituted early and consistently whereas AIDS is when the HIV has invaded the system to the point where it fails to fight off life-threatening infections.

Can you get AIDS from sharing a drink with someone that has AIDS?

No.

Can you get AIDS from giving or receiving oral sex?

Yes. You can get AIDS from any form of sex which produces an exchange of bodily fluids. Prior to people’s misconceptions, oral and anal sex are, in fact, sex.

Does a condom protect against AIDS?

It is best to use a condom and spermicide every time you have any kind of sexual activity. Knowing how to use them properly will decrease the chance of condoms leaking or tearing. However, there can always be accidents, nothing is 100% effective, other than abstinence.

Does birth control protect against AIDS?

The Pill, Foam, Vaginal suppositories, the Patch, the Vaginal Ring, Intrauterine devices or birth control injections DO NOT protect against AIDS. Only abstinence or safe sex practices mentioned above can protect against contracting HIV through sexual activity. It is still possible to contract it through blood contacts that are contaminated with the virus, e.g. needle sharing.

What can you do to prevent getting HIV?

Of course abstinence or practicing safe sex. Also, do not share needles.

Is there a cure for AIDS? Can it be treated?

To date there is no cure for AIDS per se. However, there is treatment particularly if it is begun before a life-threatening infection has taken hold. It is very important to follow the regime rigorously that is prescribed by doctors who specialize in HIV treatment.

What about PEP, the vaccine for those that have been infected with AIDS within the previous 72 hours?

Studies of PEP have demonstrated the greatest reduction in HIV transmission when antiretroviral medications are administered immediately after exposure to HIV-infected blood and body fluids. The efficiency of PEP is diminished after 36 hours and is minimal after 72 hours.

How can you tell if you have been infected with HIV?

You need to get tested as soon as possible after suspected contact, but wait at least 3 months after contact, to allow your body to build up enough antibodies for the test to detect. Please visit http://www.aidsinfoutah.net/ for testing locations near you.

Are there other ways that you can get HIV/AIDS, other than through sex?

Yes, through sharing needles (i.e. IV drug usage) as there is likelihood of blood exchange from someone who is infected. Many people were infected through blood transfusions prior to screening of blood donors. AIDS is transmitted again, through an exchange of bodily fluids, blood being one of them.

Is AIDS only in the homosexual community?

No. In fact, in recent years there has been a great increase in the heterosexual community and in adolescents. In Africa, it is primarily a heterosexual disease. It can also be transferred to newborns from pregnant women who are HIV positive.

If you find out you have HIV/AIDS, what are your options? What can you do? Do you have to tell anyone?

After being tested and a positive diagnosis is confirmed, as with any STD it is important to inform anyone with whom you have had sexual contact. It is extremely important to seek treatment with a knowledgeable physician as soon as possible to discuss your options. Also, take care of your body and basic health.

How can you tell if your sexual partner has HIV or AIDS?

You can’t tell by just looking at someone. You need to ask if they have had a recent test.

Are there places where you and your partner can go to get tested together, where your parents won’t find out?

Yes. Visit http://www.aidsinfoutah.net/ for testing sites near you (in Utah) and for sites that are anonymous. All testing sites are confidential and will test anyone over the age of 14, without parental consent.

Do you have to tell your parents if you find out you have HIV or AIDS?

Of course it is always best to have parents help with any kind of medical issue. However, be guided by whether you believe they will be supportive and helpful. If you fear they might be punitive or kick you out of the house, please get help from a trusted adult. You do not have to tell them.

Will people be able to tell if you have HIV or AIDS?

Not unless you are in the advanced stage of AIDS in which case people would know you are ill but perhaps not the cause.

How long can somebody live with HIV/AIDS?

This depends on the treatment received.

Does everyone that has HIV/AIDS die from it?

The mortality rate was very high for AIDS up until the past few years when new treatment regimens have been instituted. Nonetheless, since a person’s immune system is impacted this varies with individuals. Many people do not die directly from AIDS, but rather from the diseases that then are able to affect their immune system, which is weakened.

Can you have children if you have HIV/AIDS?

Yes, but it is important that your doctor be advised and you follow their guidance.

If you have children, will they contact HIV/AIDS from the mother? Father?

Yes, it is possible for the virus to be transmitted during the pregnancy but not all pregnant women who are infected pass it on to their newborn.

Can you get AIDS from kissing/hugging/touching?

No.

What is the demographic of HIV/AIDS victims?

Anyone who practices unsafe sex with someone who has been tested positive for the virus or who uses IV drugs or shares needles is vulnerable. The demographics are constantly changing, AIDS has become a worldwide epidemic.

If you are raped, how can you find out if you have contracted HIV/AIDS?

If raped, it is important to be tested to be sure you have not contracted any STD including HIV. After you are tested, you should be re-tested in 3-6 months.

How can someone get involved in HIV/AIDS prevention/research?

You may contact ME if this is something you are interested in getting involved in; I can send you to the right people, at least in Utah.

Protect yourself; be one less person at risk for HIV/AIDS! Today, let's remember all of those that are suffering physically, mentally and/or emotionally from AIDS. Let us also remember all those that have passed from this virus.

Please be aware of what is going on in the SLC, UT community and get involved!

http://www.utahaids.org/coming-attractions/WAD2010/world-aids-day-community-awareness-events/

Giving Thanks

2010-11-25T12:54:00.000-05:00

I don't remember where I pulled this from last year, but I believe it was in a CNN article posted around Thanksgiving time. I liked it and wanted to share. I realize that Thanksgiving is not actually about the food, however, I feel that this incorporates a common theme of gratitude for food, etc.

Happy Thanksgiving!

LATIN AMERICAN
To those who have hunger Give bread. And to those who have bread Give the hunger for justice.

BUDDHIST
This food is the gift of the whole universe. Each morsel is a sacrifice of life, May I be worthy to receive it. May the energy in this food Give me the strength To transform my unwholesome qualities Into wholesome ones. I am grateful for this food. May I realize the Path of Awakening, For the sake of all beings.

MUSLIM
All praises are due to Allah who gave us sufficient food to eat and who satiated our thirst while such food is needed by us all the time and while we are not ungrateful to Allah.

ASHANTI, GHANA
Earth, when I am about to die I lean upon you. Earth, while I am alive I depend upon you.

SELKIRK GRACE, SCOTTISH
Some hae meat and canna eat, And some wad eat that want it. But we hae meat, and we can eat, Sae let the Lord be thankit.

CHRISTIAN CHILDREN'S PRAYER
Thank you God for the world so sweet, Thank you God for the food we eat. Thank you God for the birds that sing, Thank you God for everything.

APOSTOLIC, ARMENIA
The eyes of all wait upon Thee, O Lord, And Thou givest them their food in due season. Thou openest Thy hand and fillest all things Living with plenteousness.

HINDU, INDIA
Before grasping this grain, let us consider in our minds the reasons why we should care for and safeguard this body. This is my prayer, oh God:
May I be forever devoted at your feet, offering body, mind, and wealth to the service of truth in the world.

COPTIC, EGYPT
Bless, O Lord, the plants, the vegetation, and the herbs of the field, that they may grow and increase to fullness
and bear much fruit. And may the fruit of the land remind us of the spiritual fruit we should bear.

MOTHER TERESA, CATHOLIC, CALCUTTA
Make us worthy, Lord, To serve those people Throughout the world who live and die In poverty and hunger. Give them, through our hands This day their daily bread, And by our understanding love, Give peace and joy.

SIOUX, NATIVE AMERICAN
I’m an Indian. I think about the common things like this pot. The bubbling water comes from the rain cloud. It represents the sky. The fire comes from the sun, Which warms us all, men, animals, trees. The meat stands for the four-legged creatures, Our animal brothers, Who gave themselves so that we should live. The steam is living breath. It was water, now it goes up to the sky, Becomes a cloud again. These things are sacred. Looking at that pot full of good soup, I am thinking how, in this simple manner, The Great Spirit takes care of me.

JEWISH
Praised are You, our God, Ruler of the universe, who in goodness, with grace, kindness, and mercy, feeds the entire world. He provides bread for all creatures, for His kindness is never-ending. And because of His magnificent greatness we have never wanted for food, nor will we ever want for food, to the end of time.
For His great name, because He is God who feeds and provides for all, and who does good to all by preparing food for all of His creatures whom He created: Praised are You, God, who feeds all.

We all have so much we have been blessed with and SO many reasons to be grateful on this Thanksgiving day.

Everyone should own a mac...

2010-11-11T12:57:00.001-05:00

I have to give a quick shout-out to the Apple Store at the Gateway. I have never had such great customer service in my entire life. Seriously. I have been more than pleased with the service I have received from them, especially the past 3 or 4 months!

A few months ago, my computer screen was doing funky things. After about a week of this it totally crapped out. The computer was still working, cause you could hear my music, my emails coming in, but the entire screen died. I took it in, anticipating buying a whole new computer. I had heard it was very expensive to replace your screen, depending on what was wrong with it and my computer was not under warranty anymore. However, I was pleasantly surprised when I took it in and they replaced my screen, hard drive and about 3 other things on it, updated all my programs, and handed it back to me at no charge. What? Cool! They had had the screen problem with a lot of other computers of my same model, so they were fixing them at no cost.

Yesterday, I go in there to talk to them about my battery. I bought a replacement battery almost a year ago. For the past 4 months or so, it has been saying, "service battery". So I finally found time to take it into the store, before I take off to DC. The guy told me to hang on a few minutes, came back and said, "There is nothing I can do, since you bought it at the Apple Now store (up in Fort Union), which is not an actual Apple store. You will have to take it up to them." Great! I just had come from them! They sent me to the Gateway! I told him that and he told me to come back and see him specifically if they kept giving me the run around. I called Apple Now (I think that is what it is called) and they have a 30 day out-the-door warranty, but I could try calling the manufacture, if I wanted. I ran back to the Apple store on my way home from work, found this nice gentleman, that had kindly helped me before, who told me to give him a few minutes to talk to his manager about the situation. Earlier he had told me if things didn't work out, he'd try and get me 50% off a new battery, so I just assumed that is what he was working on. He came out a few minutes later, apologized for the inconvenience and told me they wanted to apologize on behalf of Apple Now....and he handed me a brand new battery for my laptop. This may not sound like a big deal, but do you realize that those suckers cost about $150! Brand new; free. I thanked him about 1,000 times, after I offered to pay for half of it and he wouldn't let me.

SO NICE! That's all. What great customer service. Seriously!

2010-11-08T15:16:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, I received a phone call from my old boss at PAHO, requesting some extra short-term help at the EOC (Emergency Operation Center). After talking things over with my current boss, I have been able to work things out to head back to DC for a few weeks to help out! The situation in Haiti has been keeping them extra busy and with the hurricane that hit last week, they have anticipated that the Cholera will continue to escalate. So, I am out of here on Wednesday! I will be one busy girl for a few weeks, trying to continue my responsibilities as the Adult Viral Hepatitis Prevention Coordinator here in Utah, as well as taking on responsibilities for a few weeks at PAHO. I am excited though to jump back on board with my old crew and be back in the DC area for longer than a few days. What a great opportunity!

"If we amplify everything, we hear nothing."

2010-11-04T15:31:00.004-04:00

I realize that Jon Stewart is a comedian, which I think many have forgotten this last week, as attention was focused on Washington, D.C. and the Rally to Restore Sanity. I heard a lot of complaints from friends that attended, hoping for this so-called rally, to be some sort of organized political event. You put Stewart and Colbert together though, you get something fun...it was not intended to be a rally towards anything. I really appreciate the idea of the rally, even if it was more or less, ineffective. It grabbed at people's attention and hopefully made people think about how ridiculous some of these crazy extremists are.

Anyway, I wanted to post this, because I personally really appreciate what was said and strongly agree with a lot of what Steward is getting at in this clip. He's got some really great thoughts in here! Let's see a little more love, people!

"This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith. Or people of activism or to look down our noses at the heartland, or passionate argument or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear. They are and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus and not be enemies."

Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear

Jon Stewart - Moment of Sincerity

www.comedycentral.com

Rally to Restore Sainty and/or Fear

The Daily Show

The Colbert Report

Dateline: Sex Trafficking

2010-11-01T15:18:00.003-04:00

To follow up with the book that I recently read and post I made about it...I came across this older article from NBC and a Dateline that was done on Brothels and the Sex Trafficking Industry. I thought it really portrays what goes on...but it's LONG!

NBC News

updated 1/9/2005 4:17:47 PM ET

It's an exotic vacation destination, with ancient cities, bold colors, legendary temples, remarkable beauty — and horrendous crimes that go on behind closed doors. Children, some as young as 5 years old, are being sold as slaves for sex. It's a shameful secret that's now capturing the attention of the world and the White House, a secret that has been exposed by Dateline's hidden cameras. Dateline ventured into this dark place, where sexual predators can gain access to terrified children for a handful of cash. How could this be happening? And how can it be stopped?

Inside the world of child sex trafficking, each year, by some estimates, hundreds of thousands of girls and boys are bought, sold or kidnapped and then forced to have sex with grown men. Dateline’s investigation leads to the troubled and distant land of Cambodia. We reveal what “tourists,” like one American doctor, may be up to, and we'll take you inside a dramatic operation to rescue the children.
The night clubs of Bangkok and the windows of Amsterdam are among the most well-known destinations in what has become a multibillion-dollar industry: sex tourism. But the business is not all about adult prostitution. There are some places you might never have heard about, notorious places, the kind of places a sexual predator would be willing to travel halfway around the world to reach — destinations like a dusty village in Southeast Asia, where the prey is plentiful and easy to stalk.
They are children born into poverty and sold for sex. And while the thousands of men who flock here each year — many of them Americans — may think that they're involved in nothing more than prostitution, by any definition it is rape.
The small Buddhist country of Cambodia has a rich cultural heritage, but it has become a magnet for people who prey on the young and innocent. To follow their trail, we'll have to infiltrate their perverted world and pretend we're predators ourselves. It’s the only way we'll be able to see first-hand how serious the problem really is — so serious that President Bush told the United Nations it has become a top priority for his administration.Secretary of State Colin Powell is leading the administration's efforts and has a special office dedicated to the problem.
Chris Hansen: “Why has child sex trafficking become such an important issue for you and the Bush administration?”
Colin Powell: “Because it's the worst kind of human exploitation imaginable. Can you imagine young children, learning their ABCs or whatever the equivalent is in their language, being used as sexual slaves for predators? It is a sin against humanity, and it is a horrendous crime.”
On the front lines
To combat that crime, increasingly the administration has been turning to people like Gary Haugen, a former federal prosecutor who runs a human rights group called the International Justice Mission. Haugen's group uses tactics that are considered controversial by some in the human rights community. He sends his investigators undercover to gather evidence of sex slavery in other countries, then takes the evidence to local authorities to persuade them to take action. Their work helped rescue hundreds of women and children around the world.
This time the target is Cambodia, and a Dateline team is headed there undercover.
After an 11,000-mile journey, our producer and cameraman set up shop in a hotel in the Cambodian capital, Phnom Penh, where they assemble our state-of-the-art equipment and rig themselves with hidden cameras.
Cambodia still suffers from a traumatic past. In the 1970s and ’80s, an estimated 2 million Cambodians died because of war, famine and a brutal dictatorship.
Now there are signs of recovery, thanks in part to the three-quarters-of-a-million foreign visitors who come to Cambodia each year. Our hidden cameras found that many tourists come not to visit the historic sites, but for another purpose. They go to a place like Martinis. It's a nightclub where young women outnumber men 10 to one, and many of the women are for sale.
Even though prostitution is illegal in Cambodia, finding a girlfriend for the night at Martinis takes just a few words, a few dollars, and a stroll out the door. But the action at Martinis pales compared with what else we're about to see in Cambodia.
Early one morning, our producer walks out the front door of the hotel and is greeted by a local motor bike taxi driver, who explains how easy it is to find girls for sale:
Video: Children for sale: Undercover in Cambodia
Twelve-year-olds for sale. As shocking as that sounds, we're about to find out in some places that's considered old. Children who should be in elementary school are being exploited by adults.
A human rights investigator we'll call Robert is acting as a sex tour guide for a Dateline producer and cameraman posing undercover. The investigator is a former police detective from New Zealand. We agreed not to show his face or use his real name, because of his ongoing undercover work.
Robert has developed local contacts who know where to go and whom to see. All it takes is a quick phone call for this man to arrange a visit to a brothel in Phnom Penh.
The producers and investigators arrive across from what looks like a local café, but it's really a brothel. The owner is a woman who goes by the name Madam Lang. She's eager to do business. She leads the group through the café and up a back staircase to meet some girls for hire. And when she says they're girls, she means it literally: young girls, younger than we even imagined. And as an extra attraction, she says they're still virgins.
Trapped in tragedy
Many sex tourists come to Cambodia for exactly that reason, and they're willing to pay a premium. Madam Lang tells us her virgins go for $600, and for that price she says we can take a girl back to the hotel and keep her there for up to three days. When she brings out the girl, the 15-year-old looks paralyzed with fear.
A child's tragic journey into the sex trade often begins in a family struggling for survival. This is a country where the average income is less than $300 a year. Some children are sold by their own parents. Others are lured by what they think are legitimate job offers like waitressing, but then are forced into prostitution.
One 14-year-old, who was recently freed from a brothel, says she came from an extremely poor family in the country next door, Vietnam. She says when she was walking home from school one day, she was approached by a woman offering work in a café. But the café turned out to be a brothel. With no money and no way to get home, she didn't have much of a choice and was forced into sex with grown men, many of them American.
At best the girls' families get a few hundred dollars, a debt the girls then owe to the brothel owners. It can take years to work it off. It's a form of slavery. And when this girl refused to go along, she says she was beaten:
Girl: “I thought, I am here to serve coffee, not be a prostitute. But the boss told me that I had to be a prostitute. She forced me, and I was scared. I did not want to go with those men, but being beaten was worse.”
So she tried to run away.
Girl: “I got captured. They forced me into a room for three days and three nights. They beat me. They did not let me have anything to eat or drink. And they sold me to a different brothel.”
All this comes as no secret to the Cambodian government. Mu Soc Hua is Cambodia’s minister of women's affairs.

Hansen: "Cambodia has a lot of problems. Where do you rank the child sex trade?"
Mu Soc Hua: "I rank sexual trade, sexual exploitation of our children as top — on the top of my list."
Hansen: "Is there any way to even attach a number to this to say how many children?"
Mu Soc Hua: "Around 30,000."
Hansen: "That's a staggering number."
Mu Soc Hua: "Yes. Yes."
Inside Phnom Phenh
She says it's happening all over the country, but there's one place that is notorious. Any taxi driver can tell you it's the place to go if you're looking for the youngest girls. Svay Pak is a rundown village on the outskirts of Phnom Penh. A 20-minute drive, and we're on a dirt road dotted with cafes and gated storefronts. It takes just a second for a pimp to approach.
Everyone in Svay Pak assumes we are here for sex. When we sit down at one of the cafes, we're greeted by a young hustler named Po. He's only 15 but already a real operator. He tells us he's grown up in the village and introduces his mother — who knows exactly what he's up to and takes a cut of the money he brings in.
Po says he can get us girls who are even younger than the ones we saw at that brothel in the city. And despite all we've seen, we're stunned at just how young he says they are — 8-year-olds. It's hard to believe. He tells us to come see for ourselves. Along with a human rights investigator, we follow Po through some alleys into a ramshackle house. We think we've already seen it all, but who could be prepared for this?
Video: Children for sale: A rare view
Girls, some so young they could be in kindergarten, are all for sale. Throughout the village, we see the same scene at one brothel after another. Everyone here seems to know a little English. When they talk about sex, they use simple child-like terms anyone can understand. "Yum-yum" means oral sex. "Boom-boom" means intercourse.
We meet dozens of children. One girl says she's nine. She's joined by another who says she's 10. Both say they know how to perform oral sex. And they even tell us how much it will cost: $60 for two girls.A pimp says if two girls aren't enough, how about three?
Our team then leaves saying we may come back later. In the car, the grim reality has set in for the International Justice Mission’s chief investigator, Bob Mosier. In 20 years as a cop, he says, he's never seen anything like this.
Bob Mosier: “Youhave an 8-year-old or 9-year-old little girl you know just looking at you smiling, realizing that you're going to in just a few moments possibly, probably going to engage in a sexual act they're going to get money for, and they're smiling about it. I mean I see a smile like that on my kids' face when they're finding out they're going to go to Disney World or something like that.”
But the tourists in Svay Pak are a far cry from the ones you see at Disney World, and they're not anxious to talk about why they're here. But last year, a human rights investigator with a hidden camera found a visitor who was willing to admit he was not visiting for the scenic beauty or the local cuisine.
The American 'tourist'
Video: Children for sale: American 'tourist'
When the camera was hidden, an American prowling Svay Pak was happy to brag about his exploits. He’s an American doctor, whom we saw repeatedly while we were in Cambodia. Dr. Jerry Albom is radiologist from Oklahoma, but on the streets of Svay Pak he offers pointers to a man he believes is a sex tourist.
The International Justice Mission’s Gary Haugen says he'd like to see people like Dr. Albom and the pimps who supply him put out of action. Haugen has a plan. He wants to mount a daring operation, to bust the pimps and to rescue the children. Now the question is can he put his plan into action.
What he can do, he hopes, is prompt the government there to join his cause.But this is Cambodia, so chaotic it's hard to cross the street much less get the police to take action. If you really want results, what you need is the blessing of senior Cambodian government officials. But getting their attention requires help from someone with real clout. So Haugen has taken his evidence to the U.S. ambassador, who in turn has agreed to make the case.
Plan for raid takes shape
It takes a week, but finally, the Cambodians sign on to Haugen's plan. It involves tricking the pimps into bringing the girls to a supposed sex party at a house outside the village. There it will be easier for the police to arrest the pimps and rescue the children.
To get the pimps on board, Robert, the investigator posing as a sex tour guide, has been telling them that his clients are reluctant to come into the village. Robert has discovered it really is dangerous.
When he tried to sell the sex party idea to one of the pimps, the man asked if Robert had a hidden camera. Then he asked Robert to prove he was for real and have sex with a 5-year-old girl. And when Robert refused, the pimp got angry. Finally, the pimp threatened him.
Robert kept searching until he found other pimps willing to let some of the girls leave the village for the supposed "sex party." The pimps say they want to come along to keep an eye on the children, which plays right into the plan, because remember when they arrive at the house, they'll be arrested.
These wouldn't be the first arrests in Svay Pak. The Cambodian police have set up a unit to deal with sex trafficking. But they've never been involved in anything like this. This time, sixty officers are being assigned to the raid.
But the big question is: can they all be trusted? There are no guarantees because many of the cops are in the pimps’ pockets, like the one caught on Robert’s hidden camera. He thought Robert was really a sex tour operator and for $150 promised he could make sure neither Robert nor his clients would be arrested.
One hundred fifty dollars - that's the equivalent of five months pay for the average Cambodian cop. If a cop like this finds out about the raid, he could alert the pimps.
The operation begins with a ride on a bus which is also supposed to be used to rescue the girls from Svay Pak. The bus waits on the outskirts of the village. A half a dozen motor bike drivers take the producers and investigators to go get the girls. The drivers stop by a pathway that leads to the brothel, where the girls are supposed to be waiting.
Initially, there’s no sign of the children. But after much discussion with the pimps, finally, two children, sisters are brought into the waiting area. The investigators have seen these girls twice before. The first time, they were brand new to Svay Pak and had not yet been sold for sex. But only a few weeks later, the girls apparently had lost their innocence. They'd been forced to perform oral sex.
Video: Children for sale: The raid
Now, if they're lucky, these girls will never have to do that again. That's if
everything goes according to plan.
At first, everything seems on track, but then suddenly the pimps change their minds and won't let the girls leave the brothel. Investigator Bob Mosier suspects the operation has been compromised.
It's not clear how much the pimps know, but it seems they've picked up on rumors of an investigation. They may be suspicious, but they're not exactly chasing anyone away. In fact, they want the sex party to take place right here, right now, and there isn't much of a choice, so our producers and the investigators play along. There is a back-up plan -- a phone call to alert the police who are supposed to be standing by. Who knows when or even if they'll show up?
It hasn't all gone according to plan, but at the end of the day a dozen suspected pimps and madams are in custody, and 37 girls rescued, many under the age of 10. As they're loaded into a van, they're in shock and in tears and don't seems to understand that they're about to be taken to a safe place. Escorted by officers from the Cambodian Ministry of Interior, they pull away from this place where they lost so much, hopefully never to return.
Gary Haugen, the head of the human rights group that made all this happen, is thankful, though he had hoped more children would be rescued.
Video: Children for sale: The confrontation
And he says, while it's good to prosecute the people who sell children for sex, if you want to solve the problem; you also have to go after the tourists who buy them. But who is going to confront these sex tourists? In the case of that American doctor, we do.
Why should the U.S. get involved?
This issue has become a top priority for the Bush administration. It’s for that reason Secretary of State Colin Powell agreed to look at what we found, including the videotape of Dr. Albom.
Powell: "He may be a doctor but he's a criminal. He's a criminal and if he can be brought to justice, he will be brought to justice. The law requires it. And he won't have to worry about being a doctor because he'll be doing time in jail and that's where he belongs. More than that, he probably needs to see several dozen psychiatrists if that's what turns him on."
Hansen: "Why should Americans be concerned about the sex trade in Cambodia?"
Powell: “How can we turn away? If we want to have friends in the world, if we want to have better relations with the countries of the world, we have to help them with this kind of problem.”
Help them or pressure them – the U.S. government can impose sanctions on countries the State Department says aren't doing enough, which may be why the Cambodians recently arrested two American men accused of having sex with children, and sent them back to the U.S. for prosecution.
In the end, at least seven of the suspects we saw, including a man who supplied little girls for the sex party, were recently found guilty by a Cambodian judge and sentenced to up to 15 years in prison. In mid-January, Madam Lang, the woman who offered us virgins for $600, was also convicted and sentenced to 20 years behind bars. That's believed to be the longest sentence of its kind ever in Cambodia.
Future for the children
As for the children we saw taken out of the brothels, they were brought to a safe house for a few days. Then they were placed in group homes: one for the younger girls and one for teens, which is run by a charity called AFESIP. The director of AFESIP, Pierre Legros, says getting the girls out of the brothels is tough, but keeping them in the group home is even tougher. He estimates that on average 40 percent of the rescued girls return to a life of prostitution.
In October, more than six months after our first visit, Dateline returned to Svay Pak. And despite whatever efforts the Cambodian government is making, we were offered children for sale. We showed our latest hidden camera tapes to Cambodia’s Minister for Women's Affairs, Mu Soc Hua. She was not surprised by our findings, she says, because it'll take years to overcome the extreme poverty and widespread corruption that cause the child sex trade to flourish. But she sees the current wave of prosecutions as a step forward.
Mu Sochua: “Yes that is the little, little small ray of light I see at the end of this tunnel. That's why there is hope and we have to continue to fight. Prosecution is the key word, the message has to be very strong and forget about prosecuting the little fish prosecuting everybody who is involved in it.”
Secretary of State Powell acknowledges it may not be possible to eliminate the problem totally, but he says putting pressure on countries like Cambodia is the right thing to do.
Powell: “Can you imagine the spread of disease that is taking place with this kind of activity? Can you imagine what will happen to these girls when they're 15 or 20? What will become of them? They'll have no education. They will be -- they will have been used and tossed away and ruined… And a nation such as ours, which says we are a moral nation, and that we have a value system, that we would allow our citizens to go over and fuel that trade, by their presence and by their money and by their rotten exploitation of these children, we wouldn't be living up to our values if we didn't do something about it.”
The U.S. government is now giving the human rights group, International Justice Mission, a $1 million grant to help battle sex trafficking in Cambodia. Also, agents from the Department of Homeland Security who specialize in child sex crimes are nowinvestigating the activities of dozens of Americans -- including Dr. Jerry Albom -- suspected of traveling abroad to have sex with children.

Breastfeeding

2010-10-29T16:00:00.002-04:00

Loved this article; I found it very interesting! It's quite lengthy, but well worth the read. So, thought I would share :)

Normal Newborn Behavior and Why Breastmilk Isn't Just Food

by Lakeshore Medical Breastfeeding Medicine Clinic on Thursday, August 5, 2010 at 8:55am

What is a normal, term human infant supposed to do?

First of all, a human baby is supposed to be born vaginally. Yes, I know that doesn't always happen, but we're just going to talk ideal, normal for now. We are supposed to be born vaginally because we need good bacteria. Human babies are sterile, without bacteria, at birth. It's no accident that we are born near the anus, an area that has lots of bacteria, most of which are good and necessary for normal gut health and development of the immune system. And the bacteria that are there are mom's bacteria, bacteria that she can provide antibodies against if the bacteria there aren't nice.

Then the baby is born and is supposed to go to mom. Right to her chest. The chest, right in between the breasts is the natural habitat of the newborn baby. (Fun fact: our cardiac output, how much blood we circulate in a given minute, is distributed to places that are important. Lots goes to the kidney every minute, like 10% or so, and 20% goes to your brain. In a new mom, 23% goes to her chest- more than her brain. The body thinks that place is important!)

That chest area gives heat. The baby has been using mom's body for temperature regulation for ages. Why would they stop? With all that blood flow, it's going to be warm. The baby can use mom to get warm. When I was in my residency, we would put a cold baby "under the warmer" which meant a heater thingy next to mom. Now, as I have matured, if a baby is "under the warmer," the kid is under mom. I wouldn't like that. I like the kids on top of mom, snuggled.

Now we have a brand new baby on the warmer. That child is not hungry. Bringing a hungry baby into the world is a bad plan. And really, if they were hungry, can you please explain to me why my kids sucked the life force out of me in those last few weeks of pregnancy? They better have been getting food, or well, that would have been annoying and painful for nothing.

Every species has instinctual behaviors that allow the little ones to grow up to be big ones and keep the species going. Our kids are born into the world needing protection. Protection from disease and from predators. Yes, predators. Our kids don't know they've been born into a loving family in the 21st century- for all they know it's the 2nd century and they are in a cave surrounded by tigers. Our instinctive behaviors as baby humans need to help us stay protected. Babies get both disease protection and tiger protection from being on mom's chest. Presumably, we gave the baby some good bacteria when they arrived through the birth canal. That's the first step in disease protection. The next step is getting colostrum.

A newborn baby on mom's chest will pick their head up, lick their hands, maybe nuzzle mom, lick their hands and start to slide towards the breast. The kids have a preference for contrasts between light and dark, and for circles over other shapes. Think about that...there's a dark circle not too far away.

Mom's sweat smells like amniotic fluid, and that smell is on the child's hands (because there's been no bath yet!) and the baby uses that taste on their hand to follow mom's smell. The secretions coming from the glands on the areola (that dark circle) smell familiar too and help the baby get to the breast to get the colostrum which is going to feed the good bacteria and keep them protected from infection. The kids can attach by themselves. Watch for yourself! And if you just need colostrum to feed bacteria and not yourself, well, there doesn't have to be much. And there isn't because the kids aren't hungry and because Breastmilk is not food!

We're talking normal babies. Breastfeeding is normal. It's what babies are hardwired to do. 2009 or 209, the kids would all do the same thing: try to find the breast. Breastfeeding isn't special sauce, a leg up or a magic potion. It's not "best." It's normal. Just normal. Designed for the needs of a vulnerable human infant. And nothing else designed to replace it is normal.

Colostrum also activates things in the baby's gut that then goes on to make the thymus grow. The thymus is part of the immune system. Growing your thymus is important. Breastmilk= big thymus, good immune system. Colostrum also has a bunch of something called Secretory Immunoglobulin A (SIgA). SIgA is made in the first few days of life and is infection protection specifically from mom. Cells in mom's gut watch what's coming through and if there's an infectious cell, a special cell in mom's gut called a plasma cell heads to the breast and helps the breast make SIgA in the milk to protect the baby. If mom and baby are together, like on mom's chest, then the baby is protected from what the two of them may be exposed to. Babies should be with mom.

And the tigers. What about them? Define "tiger" however you want. But if you are baby with no skills in self-protection, staying with mom, having a grasp reflex, and a startle reflex that helps you grab onto your mom, especially if she's hairy, makes sense. Babies know the difference between a bassinette and a human chest. When infants are separated from their mothers, they have a "despair- withdrawal" response. The despair part comes when they alone, separated. The kids are vocally expressing their desire not to be tiger food. When they are picked up, they stop crying. They are protected, warm and safe. If that despair cry is not answered, they withdraw. They get cold, have massive amounts of stress hormones released, drop their heart rate and get quiet. That's not a good baby. That's one who, well, is beyond despair. Normal babies want to be held, all the time.

And when do tigers hunt? At night. It makes no sense at all for our kids to sleep at night. They may be eaten. There's nothing really all that great about kids sleeping through the night. They should wake up and find their body guard. Daytime, well, not so many threats. They sleep better during the day. (Think about our response to our tigers-- sleep problems are a huge part of stress, depression, anxiety.)

And sleep... My guess is everybody sleeps with their kids- whether they choose to or not and whether they admit to it or not. It's silly of us as healthcare providers to say "don't sleep with your baby" because we all do it. Sometimes accidentally. Sometimes intentionally. The kids are snuggly, it feels right and you are tired. So, normal babies breastfeed, stay at the breast, want to be held and sleep better when they are with their parents. Seems normal to me. But there is a difference between a normal baby and one that isn't. Safe sleep means that we are sober, in bed and not a couch or a recliner, breastfeeding, not smoking...being normal. If the circumstances are not normal, then sleeping with the baby is not safe.

That chest -to -chest contact is also brain development. Our kids had as many brain cells as they were ever going to have at 28 weeks of gestation. It's a jungle of waiting -to-be- connected cells. What we do as humans is create too much and then get rid of what we aren't using. We have like 8 nipples, a tail and webbed hands in the womb. If all goes well, we don't have those at birth. Create too much- get rid of what you aren't using. So, as you are snuggling, your child is hooking up happy brain cells and hopefully getting rid of the "eeeek" brain cells. Breastfeeding, skin-to-skin, is brain wiring. Not food.

Why go on and on about this? Because more and more mothers are choosing to breastfeed. But most women don't believe that the body that created that beautiful baby is capable of feeding that same child and we are supplementing more and more with infant formulas designed to be food. Why don't we trust our bodies post-partum? I don't know. But I hear over and over that the formula is because "I am just not satisfying him." Of course you are. Babies don't need to "eat" all the time- they need to be with you all the time- that's the ultimate satisfaction.

A baby at the breast is getting their immune system developed, activating their thymus, staying warm, feeling safe from predators, having normal sleep patterns and wiring their brain, and (oh by the way) getting some food in the process. They are not "hungry" --they are obeying instinct. The instinct that allows us to survive and make more of us.

Dr. Thomas

2010-10-28T12:41:00.001-04:00

As usual, my "stalking" others on facebook and/or blogs, led me to this beautiful thought.

I am passionately, audaciously inspired to be alive, to be a part of this growing, thriving, breathing, vibrant, stimulating, perplexing earth. I am alive in the grace of this moment that allows/encourages/pushes me to be a woman, a friend, a family, a community, a learner, a believer, a listener. I choose not to focus on what COULD happen, but rather, what WILL happen: which is simply that I am going to lead an amazing life. I choose to. I am surrounded by strong, proud, vibrant men and women who love and support me. It's about trusting the universe....

Road to Lost Innocence

2010-10-24T22:32:00.000-04:00

"What you have learned, from experience, is worth much more than gold. Any kind of possession can be lost, but your experience is yours forever. Keep it and find a way to use it."

I just finished reading The Road of Lost Innocence, the true story of a Cambodian Heroine (I put a summary of the book @ the end of this post). Again, like majority of the books that I read, if you can handle the content, I highly recommend this one! What an inspiration this writer and her story are, despite how painful it is for her to write, and was for me to read! I sat on a flight as I finished the last half of this book, bawling, with strangers staring at me. I didn't care; I was totally engulfed in her story and how resilient this woman is and how she has taken her trials and tribulations and has used those experiences to assist other girls, that have a similar story to her own.

Somaly's story is one that much of the world turns a blind eye to, unfortunately. However, it does not alter the ugly reality. Her story is one though, that reveals hope and inspiration, while revealing the terror and horror of what it is like to be sold into the lucrative human trafficking industry. All too often young girls in SE Asia (as well as so many other parts of the world) are sold into the brothels and wind up entangled in the ugly snares of the sex trafficking world.

"She used to ask me whether there was a God and why he allowed such things to happen to a little girl who had never done anything wrong."

I wish that more people would read books such as these, for one reason mainly - so that people could have an open perspective on issues. It breaks my heart and I find myself getting very defensive when anyone begins talking poorly of prostitutes, which is all too often the case. I don't think people think about situations that this book describes, and for those that do think about it, many don't realize that this sort of thing happens in developed countries, especially not the USA. It may not happen to the extent it does in SE Asia, for example, however, all too often a prostitute is not on the street by her/his own choice. There are a variety of reasons one may end up in prostitution, which may not always include being forced into it by another person. Financial situations all too often will play a role in prostitution. I think most of us would agree that a mother's love is often unconditional and she will find any way possible not to watch her children starve, even if that means selling her own body on the streets for money to buy food for her little ones. I suppose the point I am getting at, is that I wish people would see prostitution differently than they often do; I wish that the laws and those that enforce those laws would see it differently and that it generally isn't the prostitute isn't the one doing harm, but more those that are soliciting the sex. I wish there were laws that would protect these women (and men); laws that would allow for them to carry condoms or would allow for them to access healthcare more easily and that they would not be arrested for selling sex. I know there are always exceptions to every situation, but in this line of work, we don't ever know the whole story and I think we all should think before negatively speaking of anyone!

AFESIP was created by Somaly and her ex-husband. The organization started small, but today, is a growing organization that does a variety of things, including: Legal investigation, HIV/AIDS prevention, rehabilitation and reintegration. The organization also does a lot of education and training, which targets both the women and the men. The men are oftentimes shown a video of a young girl recounting how she had been raped - every detail - and then have an open conversation about sex. There has been great success in all that has been done, overall. However, one of the most difficult problems encountered in this type of work, is how to integrate these girls back into society so they don't feel they need to go back to the brothels. When a young girl enters, or is sold into, a brothel, they are broken down to the point that they will submit themselves to whatever it is the owner is asking. During this process, the girls are given high doses of drugs and alcohol, which becomes one of the biggest barriers to the work AFESIP, or any other organization in the field, does. These girls become addicted and have a very difficult time overcoming that, which occasionally will draw the girls, "willingly", back into the industry.

Some statistics that I pulled from a recent report I read on the topic:

Last year, 2,888 people were charged with having sex with children under 15 in Thailand
SE Asian nations are the destination of choice for sex tourists looking to prey on children
Most of the clients of Cambodian prostitutes are locals, but some are foreigners
Very profitable business - traffickers earn a lot of money, especially if the girl is young (her virginity can be sold at a very high price)
With such high profits made by traffickers, it makes it very easy to bribe whoever they want; all to often justice is for sale.

Somaly's closing remarks were this, "I still feel that I'm dirty and that I carry bad luck. When I sleep, my dreams are filled with violence and rape. Most of my dreams are nightmares. Last night I dreamed again of serpents crawling in my trousers. I've tried to rid myself of these nightmares, but they continue to haunt me. Consulting a psychologist isn't enough. I did that. I've tried a great many things. But the past is inscribed on my body now. When you see the marks on your skin, the scars of torutre and cigarette burns, the shape of the chains on your ankles, you feel the past can never be wiped away. You carry the marks of the suffering. They're just there. But that's precisely why I carry on with the work of AFESIP. [The work] for me, it's different. I'm one of them. Everything they've been through, I share. I wear their scars on my body and in my soul. Writing this book has brought everything back, and I can no longer sleep. It makes me sick. I have nightmares remember all the horrors. Somethings I don't know if I can bear to keep living them...that is one of the reasons I decided to write this book. Perhaps it will stop me from having to tell my story over and over again, because repeating it is so difficult. I want everyone to know now what is happening to the women of Cambodia."

This woman has given up her own dream of a quiet life, to be a public figure and a foundation for the girls that share her same terrorizing past. When she is asked how she can bear to keep doing what she does, she always responds, "the evil that's been done to me is what propels me on." As I mentioned in an older post (about another inspiring story I read), it is people like these that should be the heroes and that should be more recognized in our media! Unfortunately, these are the people that we don't hear much about. Instead we hear of movie stars, who are just like any other person, and the people that are creating havoc in our society. How could this happen, when there are people like Somaly, who have a beautiful story that we can all learn from!

About Somaly and The Road of Lost Innocence:

Title: The Road of Lost Innocence

Author: Somaly Mam (Translated from French by Lisa Appignanesi)

SOMALY MAM

Born to a tribal minority family in the Mondulkiri province of Cambodia, Somaly Mam began life in extreme poverty. With limited options as a severely marginalized ethnic group, and living in unimaginable despair, her family often resorted to desperate means to survive. This confluence of dire circumstances led to the unspeakable horrors that would mark Somaly’s early years. Somaly was sold into sexual slavery by a man who posed as her grandfather. To this day, due to the passing of time and the unreliability of a wounded memory, Somaly still does not know who this man was to her. Yet his actions set her on an unimaginable path fraught with danger, desperation, and ultimately, triumph.

Forced to work in a brothel along with other children, Somaly was brutally tortured and raped on a daily basis. One night, she was made to watch as her best friend was viciously murdered. Fearing she would meet that same fate, Somaly heroically escaped her captors and set about building a new life for herself. She vowed never to forget those left behind and has since dedicated her life to saving victims and empowering survivors.

In 1996, Somaly established a Cambodian non-governmental organization called AFESIP (Agir Pour les Femmes en Situation Precaire). Under Somaly’s leadership, AFESIP employs a holistic approach that ensures victims not only escape their plight but have the emotional and economic strength to face the future with hope. With the launch of The Somaly Mam Foundation in 2007, Somaly has established a funding vehicle to support anti-trafficking organizations and to provide victims and survivors with a platform from which their voices can be heard around the world.

For her tireless efforts, Somaly has justifiably garnered worldwide respect and is now a renowned leader at the forefront of the anti-trafficking struggle. Universally recognized as a visionary for her courage, dignity, ingenuity, and resilience, Somaly was honored as one of Time® Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People of 2009 and was featured as a CNN® Hero. She is also the recipient of the Prince of Asturias Award for International Cooperation, The World’s Children’s Prize for the Rights of the Child (WCPRC), Glamour Magazine’s 2006 Woman of the Year Award, and has won accolades from the US Department of Homeland Security.

On the book:

The horror and violence perpetrated on young girls to feed the sex trade industry in southeast Asia is personalized in this graphic story. Of mixed race, Khmer and Phnong, Mam is living on her own in the forest in northern Cambodia around 1980 when a 55-year-old stranger claims he will take her to her missing family. Grandfather beats and abuses the nine-year-old Mam and sells her virginity to a Chinese merchant to cover a gambling debt. She is subsequently sold into a brothel in Phnom Penh, and the daily suffering and humiliation she endures is almost impossible to imagine or absorb (I was dead. I had no affection for anyone). She recounts recalcitrant girls being tortured and killed, and police collusion and government involvement in the sex trade; she manages to break the cycle only when she discovers the advantages of ferengi (foreign) clients and eventually marries a Frenchman. She comes back to Cambodia from France, now unafraid, and with her husband, Pierre; sets up a charity, AFESIP, action for women in distressing circumstances; and fearlessly devotes herself to helping prostitutes and exploited children. The statistics are shocking: one in every 40 Cambodian girls (some as young as five) will be sold into sex slavery. Mam brings to the fore the AIDS crisis, the belief that sex with a virgin will cure the disease and the Khmer tradition of women's obedience and servitude. This moving, disturbing tale is not one of redemption but a cry for justice and support for women's plight everywhere.

Really great CNN report on Human/Sex Trafficking

Happiness

2010-10-07T17:10:00.001-04:00

I really like this little clip from CNN, talking about happiness. The theory is that unselfish people are generally happier; someone that is part of something bigger than themselves. A person's values have a huge impact on their happiness - compassion, empathy, cooperation, wanting to make the world a better place - these are the people that tend to be happier.

My happiness depends on me!

PoRtLaNd

2010-10-06T16:45:00.003-04:00

Months and months later, I am determined to do some blog catch-up, since this blog does serve as a journal for me. So here goes nothing...this past April (going into May), I talked a friend of mine into making a little extended weekend trip up to Portland, Oregon. It had been ages since I was last up there (literally, I think I was 8 or 9...the trip I chopped part of my middle finger off - yes, true story). So the last weekend of April, Marina and I boarded an airplane bound for Portland, to visit my "sister," Hailey.
Hai is one of my Clog America girls...it's always me, Tiff and Hailey - the unrelated sisters, as we think of ourselves. Tiff and Hailey are two of my very closest friends. I was bummed that Tiff couldn't come with me, but I was excited to have Marina and more than anything, to be visiting my Hailey bug! Unfortunately, mine and Ma's friendship fell apart after this trip, which still totally bums me out, but I am grateful to have some new wonderful and amazing friends in my life!

We got into Portland and spent the entire weekend eating, shopping and dancing...LITERALLY. Oh and one little hike to Multnomah Falls.

We had such a great time though! Hailey's boyfriend only stuck around long enough to sleep, because he had to work. So it was a weekend just for girl time, which was so great!


The Herbal Store

We spent one afternoon, after our hike, doing some shopping. We went to the largest herbal store I have ever seen. I was in my element! Wow, what more could I have asked for! I wish we had something similar in SLC. It was honestly like heaven to me. I think we spent almost as much time in there as we did at the Saturday Market! Okay not really, but we should have! However, the Saturday Market was awesome! Great live music, lots of amazing people watching and some good shopping!

2010-10-05T15:54:00.003-04:00

Awesome quote from yoga today!

“May today be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be... May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you... May you be content knowing you are a child of God... Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise, and love. It is there for each and every one of you.”

-Mother Teresa

Speaking of yoga...

When we still the mind, we become aware of a door forced shut by thoughts. As if by magic, the door opens to reveal the spiritual realm.We desire to enter it, but soon discover that we can't. This frustrates us, because it seems that the physical and spiritual worlds are incompatible. But this is not true! We are the door, and our task is to be open, so the spiritual world can enter the physical world.

Sometimes I kinda feel like this before, after and/or during yoga class. Resting the brain, other than while asleep, aka meditation, is such a HARD thing for me to do! I have experienced a few blissful periods of time though, where I have been able to enter into that deep meditative state and really focus on keeping that door open...ahhh, I love yoga!

Human Rights

2010-10-05T01:32:00.005-04:00

I just finished watching a foreign film called The Stoning of Soraya M. There are no words for how I feel after watching this. I cried and cried and cried during the later half of this movie. It breaks my heart the situation of women in the middle east. I realize there are plenty of happy and good situations, but the story the movie depicts, these are the women that my heart feels so heavy for.

The stoning of Soraya M. is a drama, based on a true story, set in 1986 Iran and centered on a man, Sahebjam, whose car breaks down in a remote village and enters into a conversation with Zahra, who relays to him the story about her niece, Soraya, whose arranged marriage to an abusive tyrant had a tragic ending.

I came across this, which I thought was very beautifully written poetry, on the topic (words included below)...graphic pictures, please be aware!

Sharia Law Poem, by Nessrriinn

sharia law...
she's buried chest high..
her arms can't stop the stones that fly..
or wipe the tears that have already dried
for a crime she so persistently denied..
she's buried chest deep...
the moderates asleep..
no matter how hard she weeps..
worth half a man...her testimony's cheap..
Allah subhana wa ta3ala has come up with such a fair rule
dictators of history couldn't be so cruel..
told by mohammed sallahu 3alhe wa salam..
teaching us allah's divine referendum..
what becomes of those who have a sip of rum..
drinks to forget or wants to be numb..
or those who play a game of chance..
poker buddies escaping the religious trance..
allah's prescribed in his merciful script
their flesh be ripped their blood be dripped
at the tip of a muslims whip..
she's buried chest high..
her arms can't stop the stones that fly..
or wipe the tears that have already dried
for a crime she so persistently denied..
and this is allah's eternal reply..
1400 years of backwards law
a tragic flaw of the primitive claw..
the tribe of homosexuals..
koum lot as they say..
sharia is clear on how they should pay..
the price for their gay display
life.. doesn't matter which way..
abu baker got them with a tumbling wall
ali.. muhammad's cousin and son in law
had people burned for their sexual call
an entire village .. children and all..
she's buried chest deep...
the moderates asleep..
no matter how hard she weeps..
worth half a man..her testimony's cheap..
apostates .. remember those who have bled
to speak the word Muslims leave unsaid..
killed for the sake of those misled..
submit now or be left dead..
allah subhana wa ta3ala has come up with such a fair rule
the devil himself couldn't be so cruel..
she's buried chest high.. half way deep..
while the moderates are still fast asleep..
while the world stands silent..
her testimony's cheap...
stones thrown by religious sheep...
witches were burned long ago..
til the flame of freedom began to glow..
and we learned to say the word 'no'
no ....know that your laws are unjust
not worthy of respect only disgust..
beheading those with a knifes thrust
oh but in Allah we so blindly trust...
she's buried head high
in a heap of stones...
no more crying .. no more moans..
all that's left is skin and bones..
Allah has come up with such a fair call..
the true justice of sharia law..

2010-09-30T23:45:00.000-04:00

“I believe in sleeping in. I believe in giving 100% when you only have 80. I believe in kisses on the forehead. I believe in long kisses, smiling till your cheeks hurt, and laughing until you have tears in your eyes. I believe in having someone tell you that you’re beautiful. I believe in having someone play with your hair. I believe in sitting on swings and running in the rain. I believe in miracles and random acts of kindness. I believe in saying hello to anyone and everyone. I believe in second chances. And most of all, I believe in love.”

2010-09-23T11:45:00.000-04:00

When you look at the world in a narrow way, how narrow it seems! When you look at it in a mean way, how mean it is! When you look at it selfishly, how selfish it is! But when you look at it in a broad, generous, friendly spirit, what wonderful people you find in it.

-Horace Rutledg

2010-09-18T22:46:00.001-04:00

Can't wait for December 3 girl's night with Scarlett to see this! Looks SO good and I love Natalie Portman!

2010-09-16T16:44:00.000-04:00

“When love is lost, do not bow your head in sadness; instead, keep your head up high and gaze at the stars because that is where your broken heart has been sent to heal, and remember, we gather strength from sadness and from pain. Each time we die, we learn to live again.”

2010-09-09T11:45:00.027-04:00

“I hope you have someone who loves you for you. Everybody should have at least one friend who loves you and your quirkiness. Someone who will view your nerdy side, dysfunctional family, odd sense of humor, and crazy clothes as, 'intelligence, loving family, great sense of humor, and fantastic clothing style.' You deserve to be loved. There is someone out there waiting so patiently right now for someone like you.”

I am happy I can always act like a total dork with and around my friends (as is demonstrated below).

Travel Story, Week 1

2010-09-05T13:17:00.022-04:00

I have so many fantastic travel stories that remain undocumented. I have been meaning to start a journal of some sort to write down all the random stories that I love, but have yet to do it! My blog is my best journal, so I am going to start documenting them here...hopefully, depending on time, I will write one a week. We'll see if that actually happens though.

So here we go. After hunting through a few thousand photos, I came across this photo and felt the the picture alone wins the competition. You look at this and KNOW there has GOT to be a story behind that photo. Don't worry. There absolutely is! This photo is actually what happens when you miss your first flight - yes, the one leaving your home city - to Ghana, where you don't have many options to buy what you might need if your luggage gets lost in the process of getting there.

I have always had a tendency to pack last minute. Yes, I am a procrastinator, to say the least. I will be up all night stressing about what to bring and whether or not I am over-packing. Over the years, I have become much better at this. However, I generally tend to over-pack. Now let me stop right there and explain something. Never do I actually over-pack, but for an international trip that you aren't allowed to bring much, I tend to throw in those few extra unneeded items that put my bag overweight. So there I sat late into the night, before departing for Africa and all I could think is, "who the hell goes to Africa?! What in the world am I doing??" I must have panicked and thrown my whole room into my one bag I was allowed to take. I got to the airport, slightly after I had planned. I had forgotten my camera (duh! who forgets these sort of things), so we had to turn around and go back for this necessary item. Anyhow, I arrived at the airport with plenty of time to spare. However, the down-spiral had already started, after forgetting the camera. I went to check in with my travel buddy and former roommate and coworker, Steph, and the guy was rather inexperienced, to say the least. He looked at our flight itinerary and immediately felt our pain.

Let me discuss our flight itinerary really quick; it was MORE than painful. We had tried to save ourselves a few dollars and ended up with not only a painful itinerary, but in the end, we spent the exact amount everyone else did. We had set the tickets up so we could spend a week in Spain on our way home from Ghana. However, we had also gotten a rockin' deal on a flight from Spain to Ghana, so we decided to split the other leg of the ticket again and purchase from SLC to NYC and then NYC to Barcelona. Of course. Why would we not? This actually would have saved us quite a bit of money had it not been so close to the Fourth of July! Just in case you didn't know, flying to NYC within a couple days of the Fourth of July is very, very pricey! We ended up with a flight itinerary that looked a bit like this: SLC --> Minnesota --> NYC --> London --> Barcelona --> Milan --> Nigeria --> Accra (final destination). Brutal, eh? Well, the worst part about having a schedule like this, is that if you miss your first flight, leaving SLC, it could potentially really mess things up for every. single. one. of your other flights. Somehow we got lucky enough though when missing our first flight, to be put on a direct flight to NYC, which allowed us just enough time to catch up with all other flights.

So after the man checking us in expressed his sincere pain for us, he decided he'd see what he could do to at least get our luggage checked all the way through to Accra; how sweet, right?! Well that normally would have been awfully sweet, but not in the situation he was in - he was pretty new, he also admitted he didn't know he was completely sure he knew exactly how to do it because of the variety of airlines and the way we had purchased our tickets. His manager wasn't close either. So as I rearranged the weight in my bag (yes, I of course was 5-7 lbs over my weight limit), he got Steph all checked in. He then proceeded to my bag and my carton of supplies I was taking with me for Dr Alder, for our projects we were working on in Ghana. The process, all in all, took him quite some time, which in turn, made us miss our flight! Awesome. So now we have bags checked going on who knows what flight and we aren't on any flight and are thinking we likely have just missed every one of our flights following. They immediately re-booked us on another Delta flight, however because of this, we were randomly selected to do additional security screening. This meant we had to leave the secure area back into the lines we had already gone through once. We almost missed our second flight leaving SLC. Our down-spiral of "bad luck" continued. Every last terminal we went to during our 48 hours of travel happened to be the VERY furthest terminal from where we currently were. This, I'm sure, is when my 15 lbs weight loss (over a 4 month period of time - thanks to Ghana, South America, and a tonsillectomy) began. I will never forget all the running I did, in a variety of airports, wearing fleece pants and a sweatshirt (yes, I freeze on airplanes, so I have to prepare).

Long story, we hit all of our flights. Barely. After missing the flight in SLC, we had a 2 hour delay in NY, because our cabin was 100+ degrees. We then had a 20 hour layover in London, where we napped in the park and spent some time with my little sister, Karen, who just happened to be in London with her school group. How convenient for us! We ran into trouble again when we hit Barcelona, where our flight was delayed by 2 hours. By the time we got to Milan, we decided to shoot towards our terminal, but just KNEW our flight wouldn't be there, as it was scheduled to leave as we landed, literally. To our surprise, it was actually there and we were grateful we had sprinted. Flights leave only once a day to Ghana and we were happy to know Dr Alder and the other students wouldn't be waiting on us for nothing. We found out that a whole slew of Ghanaian had been on a delayed flight coming from Germany, where the World Cup was going on, at the time. Since that flight had been delayed, they had no choice but to wait; more than half their passengers were coming from Germany, on the same flight.

Ironically, no, not too much to carry!

We had what was supposed to be a quick layover in Nigeria to pick up a few passengers, but it ended up turning from 15 minutes to about 2 hours. We finally arrived in Accra late at night, on what I believe was the end of 48-60 hours of travel. The most unfortunate part of our travels came full circle upon landing in Accra. We got off the plane just to realize that NO ONE on the flight got luggage. Yes, you heard right. No luggage. Period. That not only started a riot, but also made Steph and I slightly upset we had missed our first flight to allow the new guy the time to figure out how to check our luggage all the way through.

As we left the airport, I thought about how lucky I was that I had packed 2 tshirts, a pair of cargo pants, and 2 extra pair of underwear in my backpack. Whooo! Lucky me! Well, that sort of luck only lasts about 2 days in the heat of a country sitting at the equator. Unfortunate when you still have no sign of luggage upon day 2 or 3. I was able to stretch it out to day 4, with what I had. After that, I couldn't stand myself, which means only the other handful of those that didn't have luggage upon arrival, could semi-stand me. We all stunk, I'm sure. We were all dirty and needed to do something about our situation. By this time we had left Accra for Kumasi. Dr Alder made multiple phone calls a day; our luggage was simply lost. We had heard by word of mouth that the Heathrow, in London (where all of us had flown through), had a massive glitch that had shifted luggage every which-way and had caused more than 2,000 bags to be "lost". They gave each of us $50, probably hoping to shut us up. To make an already long story slightly shorter, it took a lot of hassle, but bags slowly started filtering in. About 2 weeks into the trip, my bag finally arrived. It was one of the last to filter in.

Steph and I got creative in our packing and thought to partially pack together, in case one of our bags did get lost. She, unfortunately, still hadn't received her bag. So the two of us put my bag to good use until we left Ghana. Our last couple of days in Ghana, Steph and I spent in Accra. When we arrived from Kumasi, we decided to check out the airport, see if there was any word of her bag. We went to lost and found, where they perused the lost luggage and told us it was not there. The moment the man turned his back, Steph jumped the counter and whoa and behold...she found her bag! Who knows how long it had been sitting there, but we were happy to have clean clothes and yummy food while we were in Spain. However, it would have been much nicer to have had our bags from the very get-go! As for the bins both of us had checked for our public health projects in Ghana, they never surfaced.

So the picture you ask? What is the story behind the picture? When you travel to a country, such as Ghana, where your only option of buying clothes and underwear is out of a basket on the top of a woman's head, you think twice about how much you really need something. I was fine buying shirts like that. Underwear though? No thank you. I would rather be safe than sorry. My only other option was to borrow. Disgusting, I KNOW! Between the two options, I decided to go with my friend Emily, who I trusted not to have anything. She had brought a pair of underwear for every day we were there, which meant she brought a lot of old underwear so she could throw it away along the way. I think I was the recipient of some junior high-era underwear! They were high cut and sat very high on my waist. This was very unfortunate. I rolled them the best I could when I had to wear them; I was just grateful to have some clean underwear though! Megan was also generous, donating her capris to my cause. Please note that Megan is 6 feet tall, so her capris were pants on me. Too funny! Between the outfit and my big, frizzy hair (thank you humidity), I felt like a freak of nature! Now I think about it and see this picture and don't feel embarrassed at all...I just laugh, really hard, at the misfortune! Not to mention the misfortune that followed us - Steph's luggage was lost on the way back to the USA. It showed up on her doorstep about 2 weeks later.

As a friend put it best in one of our emails back and forth: "Rock on Afro woman, with Grandma underwear!" I love it. It was quite suiting for the moment. I don't think I have felt much more unattractive than I did during my first two weeks or so in Ghana. It was worth every bit of it though!

2010-09-03T13:05:00.000-04:00

I just have to say that I pretty much love my life! One of my best friends, who recently got a flight attendant job, just added me as her travel buddy with her benefits at work. They kicked in last night, so now I can fly for free (stand-by). I am ecstatic that the benefits kicked in just in time for the long, Labor Day weekend! So this morning I called my friend and got it all worked out and am now sitting at the airport waiting to get on a flight to Washington, D.C.! I love it. It'll be fun to head out there and just hang out with friends and old coworkers.

Are You a Part of the Other 5%?

2010-09-02T09:12:00.002-04:00

I hope I am part of the Other 5%!

I came across this article and LOVED it, so I want to share it with all of you. This seems to be something that continues to repeat itself in my life as of late. After having a variety of conversations with different friends, I realized how easy it is for each of us to get emotionally wrapped up in the lives of our friends and/or family, because we care about their well being. However, how often do we get wrapped up in a friend or family member's (or even a stranger) situation(s) in life, but we weren't invited to be involved? Should we be there, even if we have not been invited is the question I keep asking myself. I say no. If it isn't directly affecting me, I should learn to cut my curiosity and work at cutting the emotions out of it. It's hard to see people you care about suffer or make decision you don't agree with. However, like this article discusses, it is important not to focus on the peripherals, but to set your focus ahead. One of the best things my therapist could have taught me in a recent session, was about the three businesses: your business, their business, and God's business. My business is anything and everything that DIRECTLY relates to me; their business is anything that relates to other people, which sometimes, and maybe oftentimes, may appear to overlap into your business, but it doesn't, unless it directly affects you; she classified everything else - everything that we have no control over in life - as God's business. Then she told me the main focus is ALWAYS your business...it is the only thing we have control over and it only makes life that much harder when you start focusing on what everyone else is doing and/or saying. Don't be part of the 95% that is talked about in this article - those that are focused on what everyone else is doing. It's hard from time to time, but vital for our own happiness, in my opinion!

by Matt Cheuvront on March 15, 2010

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt

We’re living in a world today where 95% of the population is focused on what everyone else is doing and what everyone else thinks. 95% of the world looking side to side, following in the footsteps of those who have come before them. A vast majority of the world is saying “Why can’t I be doing that?” – instead of getting out there, and, you know, actually doing it.
Then there’s the other 5%. The Waldo's. The people of the world who don’t focus on the peripheral – but instead, set their sites toward what’s ahead – those choice few who boldly state "Warp Speed - Engage!" rather than wandering around in space. These are the movers and shakers – these are the people who are taking control of their own lives and making waves – standing out – real-life, bona-fide innovators.
Stop what you’re doing, right now, and ask yourself - “Do I belong to the 95% – or the other 5?”
To the 95% – your job is simple – figure out how to get out of the 95th percentile. Then go do it.
For the other 5% – if you’re not already sharing your story with the world – what are you waiting for? The only way you learned and the only way others can learn from you is by being willing to help – offering to share information instead of hoarding it all for yourself. If we all focused on pushing one another to be at our best, rather than honing in on how to bring everyone else down – we’d all be a hell of a lot better off.
We all need that 5% – We need those who exude enthusiasm, and devote themselves to worthy causes. Those who are willing to stumble and sacrifice to achieve greatness. Sometimes, you’ll fall in and out of your “place” in the grand scheme of things. Your roles can and will change from follower to leader (and that’s OK). Focus on being part of the cycle instead of becoming overly content with your situation.
Things to think about:
1) What’s one thing you are doing right now, today, that you are extremely proud of – Something that truly makes you stand out?
2) What’s one thing you want to be doing – you need to be doing – but for whatever reason, you’re not doing it? AND, once you’ve answered that – write out what it will take to get you to where you want to be.
A lot of us get caught up amongst that 95% - but every one of us has the full capacity to be part of the other 5%. What’s it ‘gonna be for you?

2010-08-27T01:10:00.000-04:00

"We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress except a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered."

-Tom Stoppard

Ground Zero Debate

2010-08-26T04:09:00.004-04:00

I have to take a moment to purge a few thoughts on some of the big news of late. If you have an EDUCATED opinion on the matter, I would love to hear it. If you are going to purge your biased views and opinions and cannot back it up with anything, I don't care to hear it, especially if you are going to base it off of what you hear from any sort of extremist (e.g. Glen Beck). I really just don't understand the opposition on this one though.

So as you may know, there has been the "Ground Zero Mosque" talk. In summary, there has been a lot of controversy about whether or not it is appropriate of building an Islamic community center near Ground Zero (about 2 blocks away). The center will include a pool, health club, restaurants, mosque, etc. and will be open to the public. The designer's mission in mind is to increase religious understanding and tolerance. Unfortunately, there are people that do not even have their facts straight and have also let their "patriotism" get the best of them.

Okay, that being said, let's discuss 9/11 for just a minute. I get it. I get that people are trying to be patriotic. That is great; patriotism can be a wonderful thing! I take a lot of pride in my country and in being a citizen of this country. I also get that this patriotism that is interlinked to the "Mosque talk" is stemming from 9/11. We lost around 3,000 lives on that tragic day. The day of the attacks drastically changed the lives of those that were directly affected, but also changed countless Americans and many more around the world, indirectly affecting millions of people. It was a substantial victory of "evil", if you will. Unfortunately, now there are those that see anything related to these "Islamic" terrorists, such as a Mosque at Ground Zero, as a threat or something that is going to further destroy our country; some sort of defeat.

This mindset if VERY difficult for me to comprehend, especially as an American citizen and knowing what America stands for. We are a country, where men and women have fought for many generations, to protect our rights, including the First Amendment - Freedom of Religion. I think there are too many that easily forget this. It is disheartening to see a country full of wonderful, successful people succumb to hate, ignorance and fear.

My thoughts have been brewing on this topic since it hit headlines, however, the necessity of purging my thoughts stem from an article I just read that my dear friend Rebecca posted to facebook about Mayor Bloomberg's impassioned speech on religious freedom. I also just finished reading his speech, which you can access here. I encourage you to read it; I personally find it quite moving. He brings up some very powerful thoughts and points about religion, but also about terrorism and patriotism. Along with Rebecca's posting she also said the following, which I thought was so well put, "We all get to have our beliefs and respect others....the only way it will work. Sadly, there are extremists, power-monger's, haters, fearful people in every religion and 'non-religion' religions or philosophies and there are also wonderful, kind tolerant people as well. What we need is those that are tolerant to build bridges and come together..." I couldn't agree more! We can learn so much from each other, but we must be patient and keep an OPEN MIND.

Bloomberg said, "We do not honor their lives by denying the very Constitutional rights they died protecting. We honor their lives by defending those rights - and the freedoms that the TERRORISTS attacked." This includes more than just tolerance among Muslims, but of all religions and/or belief systems. How great is it that we live in a country that we have the right to find our own "happy-medium" and discover what we truly believe, as an individual, and what we want in our life...we are not forced to believe any one way, we do not all have to believe the same or think the same - how awesome is that, to be able to have that diversity within our country?! I think it is pretty great! I love and respect it and find it terrible to hear that Islamic centers and mosques have been subjected to protests and harassment, with protesters shouting obscenities, such as, "Jesus hates Muslims" and "Muslim children are murderers". What has our country come to when you get these extremists (yes, including those that are in the media) saying we should not allow "even one more mosque in the US" or other churches conducting "Koran burning days". What is this accomplishing?! Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I guess for me, the bottom line and the point I am trying to make is this, quoting Bloomberg: "Islam did not attack the World Trade Center – Al-Qaeda did. To implicate all of Islam for the actions of a few who twisted a great religion is unfair and un-American. Today we are not at war with Islam – we are at war with Al-Qaeda and other extremists who hate freedom." To say that this center cannot be built NEAR (not even ON) Ground Zero is a horrifying thought, in my opinion. There is no good excuse, in my mind, of why it SHOULDN'T be built.

May we all be a little more tolerant. May we all be a little more open minded and accepting. May we all be a little more loving and trusting.

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