Grandma "Weez" & Grandpa Clyde

What a week! It's so difficult to watch your loved ones age. Living with Grandma and Grandpa has a lot of pros, but there are definitely a few cons! One of the things I have loved the most about living here, is that Grandma is always good at making me laugh! I can be exhausted or in the worst mood and she can always get me laughing pretty hard! I love Grandpa's sweet humor. He makes simple little jokes and laughs at himself, while everyone else is still trying to figure out what he said. I love it and I love his smile; it makes me happy...they make me happy, these little things, like down to the soul type of happy. This however, creates the negative part of living here - watching them get old and seeing their health steadily digress. It hurts to watch that and sometimes can be so emotional, ESPECIALLY the past month or two, with Grandpa. I don't expect him to live much longer and watching him gasp for a breath whenever he tries to say something is so difficult.

Last April was one of those overwhelming emotional times of living with them. Grandma was admitted to the hospital, after I took her to the ER. She had her gallbladder removed and finally recovered, while maintaining her spit-fire attitude. Now I watch on a daily basis, both of my grandparents steadily growing older. I know they are ready to die; Grandma tells me every single day. This thought makes me sad, but sometimes happy. I think about how happy it would make them to be out of their pain. The hardest part about watching all of this, is to see how frustrated they get about the challenges of aging. Grandma thinks she is lazy and has a hard time with the fact that she can't get up and do everything she wants to, everything that makes her happy. Grandpa never seems to openly express the frustrations like Grandma does, but I am sure he gets frustrated that he can't see very well...or that he can't hear (at all...tv is full blast and I can hear it when I pull into the driveway sometimes). 

These are the thoughts that make me sad...so let's leave those for a bit and focus on the rest of the beautiful things about getting to live with your 88-year-old grandparents. I love my grandparents and I love how proud they are of me and that they express it on a daily basis (yes, it gets old, but is still so sweet of them to say how they feel, every day). I love making my grandma's day, because she gets so happy to see visitors. I love hearing how much Grandma appreciates my mom (among a couple of her siblings) coming on a weekly basis to help them - this is something I love, because I really appreciate my mom and always am happy to hear how much my grandparent's do, too (even if Grandma jokes about it fulfilling their 'children duties'). Above all, I LOVE watching the love my grandparents have for each other. It honestly brings a tear to my eye. Never have I seen two people bicker more than the two of them, but in such a lovingly way...and never have I seen two people so perfectly in love and so content to just sit and enjoy each others company. I will find them in the summertime sitting on the back patio, just sitting there. Sometimes they will be talking, other times just holding hands and watching the sunset. It's beautiful.

While Grandma was in the hospital this last spring, she would call Grandpa (and yes, I would eavesdrop on their calls...I know, I am a horrible human being, but I am so glad I did it) and beg him to come to the hospital and pick her up so she didn't have to be in that miserable place any longer (this was after about 4-6 days of being there). She would threaten that if he didn't come get her, she was going to call a taxi to get her out of that "damned place". They would both laugh and then her laugh would turn into sobs. Grandpa would comfort her over the phone, telling her how much he loved her and how he wished he could come sit with her and hold her hand. He would then tell her to remember all the good times they have had together and to think about their wonderful children. It was the most precious conversation.

Sigh. I know it's life. I know they are OKAY with dying. But why does it have to be so hard for those of us that will be left behind. The thought of losing them is hard, but it is even harder to watch Grandpa with the way he is now. It makes me so heartbroken and sad. I don't like it, not one little bit!