Emotions of change...

I am terrible at updating this lately! For those of you that did not know, one month ago I accepted a job offer as a Global Health Specialist with APHL (The Association of Public Health Labs). I have been very excited to get back into the global realm of public health, after working for PAHO. Thursday was my first day and thus far it's been great! I really miss the girls at UDOH (aka the "Beaver Dam") and teaching sex ed and risk reduction type of stuff, but I am excited for what is ahead of me!

That being said, what an emotional couple of weeks! I never thought leaving Utah would be so emotional for me. I have found myself breaking down in tears left and right for the past 3 weeks! For the longest time, majority of the reason I wanted to leave was because I didn't have any really close friends that were single, which meant I rarely had anyone to go out with. I've always had a group of close friends, but they have been spread out, living elsewhere, or have been in serious relationships. Within the last month or so, about the same time I was offered a job in DC, all of my friends have moved out of their boyfriends' places and my other close friend moved back to Utah. I have also reconnected with a few old friends and met a lot of new, great people lately. I know most of these friends, especially my girlfriends, will always be around and will always be there for me, but it has still made for a very difficult and lonely move! Thankfully to my best friend, I am very mobile right now, with my flight benefits, and can always make a quick trip back to Utah to visit...which I plan to do on a variety of occasions throughout the summer!

Tonight one of my best friends (who I met in grad school) called, out of the blue...it was a little bit after midnight my time, but was my saving grace for the night, right as I was feeling a bit down. I stayed in tonight and was feeling lonely and bad that I wasn't out and about, prowling around town with my best girlfriends. How she always knows the perfect time to reach out to me, I'll never know...but I love that girl and am so glad that she will always be in my life! Can't wait to make monthly visits to St Louis to visit you, Miss Scarlett!

The other really hard part about leaving Utah was leaving Grandma! The night before I left, we just hung out in her bedroom, talking and crying. It was hard to leave her, knowing how lonely she's been feeling lately. I think springtime has been hard for her, with the nice weather and not having Grandpa to sit in the yard with. I look out the window occasionally and see her sitting by herself in the front yard. It breaks my heart and I wish I could do more for her. She told me before I left, how much I will be missed; we've been through a lot together the past 2 years - her ER visit, her surgery and recovery, Grandpa's illness and passing...lots of raw emotions. She has really appreciated having someone in the house, even though we don't always spend the time together when we are both there, but it's been nice for her to feel less lonely and like the house isn't as empty. It made me feel bad I was leaving.

Onward and upward though, right?! Ugh...how can something that is supposed to be so great leave me feeling so blue :(